A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My upbringing was somewhat chaotic. my father 19 when he had me and my mother a drug addict. Me and my twin sister were removed from her care at 1 years old and spent sometime in a foster home until a relative fostered us. we were given a little book to help us understand what had happened when we were little but there's nothing I can really remember in great detail. All we know is our mum (if she can be called that) spent her life in and out of prison for all manner of things but were never told too much. my dad gave us up so we could have a better start to life he was young and dumb and at the age of 21 he was aloud to see us every other weekend. he transformed his life and at the age of 26 we were aloud to live with him after a hefty court case. hes now a successful business owner who I admire deeply!the other day my sister and I asked my dad what really happened that meant we had to be removed from the care of our mum. we questioned and questioned he refused to tell us told us we were better not knowing. my sister questioned how bad can it really be ? murder? manslaughter? theft? what was the extent his reply was personally I feel like its worse than manslaughter ! we are shocked and now very curious I cant get it off my mind but he will not tell us he says its in our best interests not to know because we are bright young girls! do I leave it ? do I dig further ? do I contact my old social work in the quest to find the truth ?I just needed to feel like i've got it off my chest and any response will be appreciatedWhat really could be worse than manslaughter will I ever know Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 Sometimes it really is a case off what we don't know can't hurt us.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Only you can make this deciscion. But if you find out all the facts, you have to be prepared for 2 things:
1: Once you know, you cannot un-know! Answers usually lead to more questions. Is that a rabbit-hole you want to go down?
2: If you find out the whole story, you have to be prepared for the fact that your dad may not want to discuss it with you, at all. You may want to hear his thoughts, or for him to help you process what you've learned. That is not fair on him. He has made his choice. Maybe he will go through it with you, but it is better that you are prepared to do it alone if you have to.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 I think we all would really want to know - even if our mom was Lizzie Borden. However, it doesn't mean that KNOWING, would improve your lives. What would you do with the knowledge?
If she was addicted to drugs there are SO many things she could have done. It doesn't have to have been manslaughter for it to have had a devastating effect on your Dad to a point where HE doesn't want to talk about it.
I don't know if the UK have online background check that you can pay $10-25 and see a person's arrest record for instance.
If you do it, I'd leave your Dad out of it for now. He has despite EVERYTHING done whatever he NEEDED to do to move forward and leave the past in the past - the fact that he fought to get the two of you back when he was able to take care of you speaks to his love for you both.
As much as he loves you both and you love him, I truly understand your curiosity.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 February 2017):
 Drugs are enough. He may not be telling you because he worked hard to leave it in the past.
If you know her name, you could Google her or ask your case worker, but I'd stop hassling your dad about it. You may not like what you found, though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2017): You were removed from your mother's care because a court judged her to be an unfit parent, and drug addiction would be sufficient cause in and of itself.
I suspect your father doesn't want to revisit a period in his life he now deeply regrets, and if he's telling you it's in your best interest not to know then I'd take him at his word.
While I'm sorry your sister and you endured such an unhappy early childhood, I give your father credit for turning his life around and providing you with a loving, stable home and he probably would prefer that you focus on the future and not the past. Be thankful your father loved you enough to overcome his demons and then engage in protracted legal proceedings so you could live with him.
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