A
female
age
30-35,
*lueEyes89
writes:Hello, Im just looking for some advice really from someone who might know what im going through. Ive been with my boyfriend for 19 months now, im 18 and he's 22, and ive always been happy with him and love him to pieces, and ive made some mistakes in the past, mainly just trying to get all the love from him to replace the love that i have missed out on from my mum and dad, and i admit i have been clingy and slighty to possesive, this obviously caused a huge break down in our relationship, and he broke up with me last week, recently we have got back together, as i realise where i have gone wrong in the relationship and am able to put it right by concentrating on something else and giving him lots of space, but some of the things he said whilst he was breaking up with me have really hit me hard and i can't stop thinking about what he said even though i do want to be with him, stuff like he thinks im boring and he wouldnt know what if he would have done if someone had come up to him when he was out at a pub, also, he joined up to this dating site saying that his realtionship was difficult and he wanted to meet the woman of his dreams, i feel really sad, i know i was putting alot of pressure on him, but its things i can change, to make our relationship better, but now i have the worry of him cheating on me and the horrible things he has said going round in my head.Im quite heavy at the moment, as i have put on weight, i have no one encouraging me or supporting me, so i have no confidence and low self esteem, and feel if i did ever lose him, no one else will ever love me because my own body repulsives me, so no one else will ever find me attractive from the neck down...Please help, i feel low and sad, and need a few words of comfort...thank you
View related questions:
broke up, confidence, got back together, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SweetestAngel21 +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Oh my gosh, I so relate to what you are going through, and hun trust me, you are amazing. Ive been where you are, My boyfriend sent me so low after he broke up with me, I adored him, but like you said, because I had lacked the close relationships with my parents I was way too possesive and hard work.
But still, that doesn't give them an excuse. It just gives us the excuse to realise that we are amazing, individual people, and there will be someone out there who will adore YOU for You. You and all your issues, they will help you through them all, rather than walk out when u need them most! I know it seems hard, but just spend some time with yourseld, enjoy your time! And when he sees you happy and coping without him, he'll see what a mistake he's made, and then it will be up 2 u!
good luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): to add to my last answer try and talk to your bf.... explain how you feel and tell him you need surport with this. If he really wants to help the situation then he will. You should never feel like everything is up to you. You should never feel alone in the relationship ethier.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Some of the things hes said could have been the heat of the moment and think of it this way hes back with you. Doesnt that tell you something, it was over and you didnt have to get back together but you are. After all thats happened he stills wants to be with you and you have an oppertunity to change your ways not just for him, but for yourself. You need to let go of what he said, stop focussing on the past and focuss on the now. You've started again so let your thoughts be fresh :) ..... Not that your doing this but you shouldnt feel the need to be with you bf because u wont ever get anyone else. Firstly Its really isnt all about the looks, you seem like a really caring, gentle person, not all guys are that shallow. Plus if you wana work on the weight do it. It shouldnt be for anyone else but yourself. I say forget the pass, create a new, more happier, confident you. Go on a diet, get to where you wana be. Get on with your relationship if he is what you want. And enjoy the face you are back with him.......... If your weight is really getting you down, then do something about it, dont focuss on how you look now, set a goal and reach it then look back and see how well uve done. Joining a gym would be great, you could met tons of people there that would motivate you and acknowledge your progress. Just remeber doing this wont just help your relationship it will make you feel a million times better..... Think positive!
...............................
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (27 November 2007):
He really got you where he wants you. I know the time you spent together bonded you but at times the best thing to do is usually the hardest. Honey look inside you and know that you are special like no other. Don't concentrate on the negatives but look at the positive aspects. I'm sure he said all those things just to make you feel bad because he feels bad as well. Ask yourself why he got together with you and stuck with you all this while. It's because of the wonderful things that he knows are in you. Be strong and learn to love yourself despite what others may say.All the best and mail me if you need to talk.
...............................
A
female
reader, DeTamble +, writes (26 November 2007):
 This sounds really bad, and you can probably guess what my advice is - but although you love him, it's clear that he's not giving you the support you need. I know it's really hard but you have to think of yourself, not him, as your main priority.
I'm sure there are times when he's lovely, but from the sounds of this he's not treating you as well as he should - and it's really important that you don't start feeling like he's just waiting for something 'better' because he's made you feel like you're not good enough for him. It just makes him selfish and vain. You must see how unfair this is on you?
You seem sensitive, sweet, and really caring - a little vulnerable perhaps, but a guy like him should be thanking his lucky stars that he's met you.
You definitely don't deserve to feel like this, though. No-one does. I think it's better to work towards being happier and more confident yourself than worrying about trying to make him happy - counselling might be a good plan if you have really low self-esteem, or if not then focus on just doing things that keep you happy and/or busy. The more confident and cheerful you seem, the more attractive you are to everyone - no matter how you feel about yourself physically.
But I do agree with Calamitysil. You should try and think about helping yourself instead of him, because from what I can read into this, he doesn't seem like he deserves you.
You are worth much, much more than this. xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): Leave now and don't look back. I too was in the same position as you, and he left me, then came back, and it was the same old nonsense. Him cutting me up, treating me like dirt, telling me he could never love me again. So this time I left. And I will never go back no matter how much I love him.
Reason why? Love and relationships are a two way street. If he isn't willing to put into it, then no matter how much you bang your head against the wall it will do no good, and all you will do is make yourself feel worse.
Put time into yourself, join a gym, and the next guy who comes along will have all the benefit of your self awareness. There is no such thing as "Mr.Right". There is only "Mr Right for now". Good luck honey.
...............................
A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (26 November 2007):
 I think what you need more than a boyfriend right now, is to work on yourself a bit more. He's certainly not very supportive even though you've tried to be less clingy and given him space. What I'm going to suggest is not easy, but believe me it will the best thing you can do, and that's to end it with him. Then you start working on yourself and becoming your own best friend. If you feel your weight is an issue, then look towards a healthier lifestyle, but generally there's a reason behind a weight problem and it goes much deeper than what you put in your mouth, so I would tackle that underlying issue first and weight loss will take care of itself.Do you have close friends, siblings, parents? Sometimes counselling is a good idea especially with self esteem issues.As you've already worked out, it's important never to expect your partner to be everything to you. Ask yourself what you can bring into a future relationship. You're a special person in your own right, now all you need is to improve on that and be the best you can regardless of what other people expect you to be like.
Good luck!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): Blue eyes, your boyfriend is such a massive jerk it is not even funny. Nothing of what he said is true. He just has no respect for you, obviously he has no respect for women. Look most good guys will not say one mean thing about you in your entire relationship. They might tell you to F*ck off every now and then, but to put you down the way he did?? No way. You are just unfortunately dating the biggest loser in the universe.
I wish you had the experience that I have to know that he is in a minority group of guys who utterly suck. Most guys wouldn't say that or think that no matter how mad they are at you. So it is VERY important that you move on as soon as possible. Don't even tell him. After what he said?? He deserves nothing from you. Nothing. Just avoid him and move on.
And OF COURSE you can do better than him. I mean he is like at the bottom of the barrel. You can ONLY go up from here. I swear. Take my advice. You will be so thankful. And also, if you avoid him like you should, he is going to realise his mistakes and he is going to be sorry. But even so, don't look back, just move on. He is not worth anything.
...............................
|
