A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a crush on a TV star, she has been in several movies he watched when he was a child and basically grew up with them. Everytime he sees her on TV he is sooo enthusastic, and goes 'aaaawwwww look, it's ******'. It's extremely annoying. Her new movie is coming out this week and he asked me if we could go see it..but he usually hates these kind of movies. He looks up naked pictures of her and reads every freaking news article about her, which say how gorgeous she is and how pretty she looked in her dress, blah blah. He has a few celebrity crushes but that one really bugs me. I don't really care if he likes her and thinks she's hot, it's just the way he reacts every time he hears her name. I know he'll probably never meet her, but I'm still jealous and I know I shouldn't be. He doesn't only thinks she's pretty, also interesting, cute, lovely, a great actress and that everything about her is adorable. I know he loves me and that he thinks I'm pretty, but I also know that he wishes I'd look like her. I do lack self confidence too, I know that. Has anyone an idea how to deal with this whole topic? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm glad for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): It's really great getting a guys perspective on this topic..and thanks so much for sharing your own experiences! I think I'll have to be more stern and really stand my ground:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): OP just turn off the movie and tell him you did it because you want to talk about how bad his behaviour is starting to make you feel. Tell him it's becoming a problem so severe it's spoiling things for you and you don't want to watch it anymore because you can only focus on how much he likes her. OP turning off the movie isn't supposed to be a petty thing, it's a chance to highlight to him what you don't find acceptable and that you're not going to tolerate it.
If he protests and says you don't understand him, then tell him he doesn't understand the difference between being single and being in a relationship, it's not okay to stare at or gush over other women in front of you, you're his girlfriend, not a guy friend and if he doesn't believe you that's unacceptable he needs to ask his other female friends or his mother whether it's respectful to do that.
I had some bachelor habits left over when me and my wife first moved in together. Leaving clothes just lying there when I got changed or dressed etc. She talked to me many times about picking them up and stuff but I still just didn't think of it, it wasn't a conscious decision to piss her off and I certainly never defended doing that, I just was lazy and didn't see it as much of a problem as she did. So instead of talking she took practical action, she just stopped picking up my clothes, she threw them in the corner out of sight and refused to put any of them on to wash until I started being more considerate. Now it's not like she was the only one doing the washing but she's a more organised person than me with foresight, so what quickly started to happen was I was finding myself without clean underwear, or a dress shirt I needed for the next day wasn't clean because she's the one who thinks of that sort of thing. It didn't take long for me to realise that there are just some levels of consideration that you need to have in relationships regardless of whether you think they're important or not, you have to respect your partners feelings on things and if they are important to your partner they cannot be cast down as completely unimportant to you.
OP if you think turning off the movie is too petty, then find some other form of "punishment" that will make it less appealing for him to keep doing that.
Cold acting is one of the ones most I've been with do. In your situation they'd stop holding him and sit on another chair and go on the internet, then withhold any intimacy for the night because he "killed the mood". It's normal for a guy not to see a problem with gushing over women in front of their girlfriend because we grew up watching girls do it constantly. Even as adults if you sit with a group of female friends the conversation always turns into discussing men and relationships and there's quite a bit of gushing from all of them.
What your boyfriend doesn't seem to get is there's a double standard, and while it's technically not fair that women get to gush but we can't, it's because they're less secure, it's just the way it is and he needs to realise you just don't gush about other women in front of your girlfriend.
My point is OP, you have to train him like a dog or a child. reward good behaviour and punish bad, when I say punish I don't mean bitterness or retribution, I mean have consequences that will be a lot less appealing to him than just stopping. He's acting like a single guy, OP, and if he continues to do so and have so little respect for your feelings then he'll eventually become single again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): Okay, thanks, I'll give it a try. I'm pretty sure though that he'll be super mad at me when I turn off the movie..he probably won't understand and tell me that I exaggerate and that I have no right to do so and expect me to apologize for not understanding him. Then what?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): To those advising to pick a hot male celeb and do it back, it won't work. We're used to women gushing over celeb men, it doesn't bother us. That and criticising other women are the only interest women have in celebrity culture.
We're used to seeing our women's heart melt when the song by their favourite girly-boy singer or hyper-sexual black rapper comes on. Or their favourite movie with the sensitive hunk who just so happens to have chop wood topless a lot, we see their reactions to those things and they're just as over the top.
You even admit to doing it, OP. It's normal and it's fine. OP just because you think you're being subtle don't for one second think your attraction to that hunk on the screen isn't written all over your face.
My advice would be to train him out of being too blatant about it and stop acting like a child, by turning off the movie when he does that and make it clear he's pissing you off.
For the record Emma Watson is top class crush. Clean cut, normal seeming, average face and average body with no enhancements, respectful, dignified etc. He has good taste in crushes. Be glad it's not Courtney Stodden.
OP try not to be bitter or too harsh here. Little consequences and consistent. Every time he does, refuse intimacy for the night, or refuse to continue watching the movie. He'll take the hint. He'll pretty quickly learn he can help it if things are going to go badly for him if he doesn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Yup, that's her. I thought so to at the beginning but now it just bothers me..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Is it the Harry Potter actress then? If it is that's quite sweet somehow!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Hahaha, that's actually pretty funny..I really had a crush on Russell Crowe for a while and Gladiator is still my favorite movie:D His new movie is the one my boyfriend wanted to see because his beloved actress is in it as well:\It's not about her body really, more her face, he is just curious about her, probably because she's down to earth even though she's famous and because she's the loveliest girl ever. I never had a boyfriend who was so into celebrities and who wants to hear about the latest gossip and all that.. I'm sorry to say that but it seems a little girly to me. Maybe I just have to get used to it.But yeah, I'll revive my crush on Russell Crowe and start having my own fun instead of giving him so much attention for having his:)Thanks so much!Luisa
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Sorry I just saw your reply and this in particular:
"I told him that I'm a little annoyed, but he just thinks I'm jealous. He also always uses excuses like 'I'm a guy, I can't help it, I have to look at other girls and find them hot, it's genetically determined', which sounds just very unfair to me. Not every guy does this all the time."
Mmm, "I'm a guy I can't help it..." and the rest.. that's very immature... now I'm starting to think you need to maybe give him a taste of his own medicine. That's just being a jerk.
Get your crush on Russell Crowe... get a few downloads of him looking hot in some film.. maybe the Gladiator one would do it? And get a DVD on and start fanning your face and swooning. If he asks you what's going on, tell him you never realised how hot RC is and you can't stop fantasising about him. That should show him what an idiot he's being ;0)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): I think this is relatively harmless and some men can take longer than women to mature. Perhaps you are just more mature than him. He just sounds a wee bit young.
Mind you, I remember when I first discovered Russell Crowe a few years back, I was kind of the same. And look at my age!
I would relax and ignore it. He might be laying it on a bit thick to see if you get jealous, i.e. you care about him. Is there something about this woman that provokes any feelings of being inferior in some way? Hair, breasts, figure generally?
I also think this is kind of normal. I dated someone once in his forties who had saved pics of some woman from a crime drama on his smartphone and had her as his wallpaper. Some of his friends, also same age, had women with big breasts etc. as wallpaper on their phones, laptops etc. When it starts veering into porn territory, then it really smacks of disrespect rather than admiration and guys in that age group are mentally and emotionally stuck in their development. I hesitate to say retarded but it's kind of close.
Relax and try not to take it seriously. At least he's not going on and on about someone he KNOWS. Then you would have an issue.
And Mr. Crowe's new film is coming out. Maybe start harping on about how rugged and fit he is ;0)
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 Honey, thank your lucky stars that it's just a celebrity crush and not a crush on some girl who works with him or who knows him personally. I have a friend who walked in on her husband in bed with the next door neighbour. He had a crush on her since they moved into the neighbourhood. Now if that particular celebrity moved to your neighbourhood, then you should freak out:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): I'm with Tisha all the way! He's lucky to have a woman like you, and he needs to start appreciating it like a MAN. He's acting like a lust- struck teenager. He clearly isn't very emotionally mature, or he would understand how his swooning over another woman affects you- given that you lack confidence.
Honestly, he really doesn't sound too in tune or considerate with your feelings. I would say he's not right for you, if you really want to try and make things work with this guy, talk to him tell him exactly how it makes you feel.
IF he continues then cut your losses and ditch him. Trust me you really don't want to be this guy.
Take care x :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Well, I do have Hollywood crushes, but I was like 15 when I drooled all over them. I still find some of them attractive, but I don't feel the need to tell him that every time their names pop up, just because it's not even important to me to even think about them or to wish that I could meet them. I told him that I'm a little annoyed, but he just thinks I'm jealous. He also always uses excuses like 'I'm a guy, I can't help it, I have to look at other girls and find them hot, it's genetically determined', which sounds just very unfair to me. Not every guy does this all the time. I don't want to point out all the bad things about him and make him look like an ass, he's the sweetest guy ever and a really great boyfriend. I just don't know how to deal with it..should I be thankful that he is so honest to tell me these things or is he just a little to in insensitive and do I actually have a real reason to be annoyed?Thanks a lot for all the replies so far!Luisa
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Hollywood stars are glammed up to be more than they really are. That's why they're always so attractive. However, you need to realize that it is just a fantasy and nothing more. There's pretty much a 99% he will never meet her in real life and him simply talking about her can't really be that big of a crime.Are you saying you've never had a Hollywood crush that you swoon over from time to time. It's okay for couples to have these kinds of crushes. In fact I would think it would be a healthier relationship if both partners could comfortably talk about celebrity crushes. My dad has a celebrity crush as well as my mom. They joke about it all the time. I know it's making you jealous, but you have to remember it's nothing more than a fantasy and that's what keeps the crush alive.But in reality, he is with you and he can be there to physically show you that he loves you. I would be more relaxed knowing that my only competition was a celebrity rather than another girl down the street.His crush cannot evolve into anything more than that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 I'd tell him when he brings her up for the umpteenth time that he's beginning to remind you of a pimply teenage boy who is undergoing puberty and it's causing you to lose interest and attraction to him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 April 2014):
 Pick a hot male celebrity and give it right back to him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 April 2014):
Have you spoken to him about it? To be honest, he sounds like he's taking it a little to seriously. I'm sure lots of people have the occasional crush, but I don't think they talk about it as much as your boyfriend does. You might want to talk to him and tell him that you don't like him constantly going on about other women on tv. He shouldn't really be doing it.
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