A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am bordering on desperation, I have read the articles on your site, my situation is at this stage hopeless, I am so caught up in deceit, lies and cheating I don’t know how to come clean.I’m 46 married to my hubby for 28 years he is 60 years old. Approximately 8 years ago I met a woman (Jillian) now 28 years (so she was 21 at the time) we started going out on girls nights a few times, the influence she has on me is like a drug, at first it was only friendship. She met a guy and got married, I paid for the wedding as we became best friends, in the mean time I met a guy (Edward) at on of the bar’s we frequented (also just platonic at first) as the years has gone by I became sexually involved with my girlfriend (Jillian) and her husband.Edward was injured in a very bad accident almost 3 years ago, I have been supporting him financially as he is now disabled, I suppose this is the guilt / obligation that I am feel it my responsibility to support him. (I had a short sexual relationship with him but we stayed friends and he always goes out with us).My husband is the best lover ever, but he won’t do anything with me, he sits at home (retired) does nothing has no interest in what I do, all he does is watch his pigeons he is a pigeon fancier. He is the ideal hubby, never goes out he doesn’t drink he is not abusive.A couple of months ago I met another guy Chris (OK…. no I have not had a sexual relation ship with him YET) I am so infatuated with him, I can’t think of anything ells I go to sleep thinking of him I wake up thinking of him, below and behold he is also cripple (seem to have a attraction to men with disabilities) when I danced with him on Saturday night I accidentally brushed against his body (ball room dancing) he was so aroused that it turned me on. How do I get away from all the mistakes I am making? What is wrong with me? Where and how do I get help? I keep promising myself that I won’t do it again, and before I can stop myself I am in a situation that I can’t or don’t know how to get out.I am a very successful well educated business woman; I have a good income and am well respected at my workplace. There is no way that I can come clean with my hubby, I can’t get rid of Edward, and he has no where to go he has no family and no other friends, he can’t support himself. How do I get out of this royal mess that I created for myself? I know what I do is wrong and yet I can’t help it, it is like an addiction, the more I try to stop or control myself the more I get drawn into situations that I can’t control, the saddest part is I can't blame anyone but myself. How do I get out of this mess?
View related questions:
best friend, disabled, wedding, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 September 2008):
So what you are doing at the moment is:
Cheating on your husband with your girl friend
And supporting a man who you are friends with
And planning to cheat on your husband with a new man.
Well you have a choice. You can
a) Save your marriage. Stop sleeping with other people and just have them as friends. You can continue to look after your friend financially as that is a nice thing to do. You can continue to go out and have fun, just don't have sex with anyone
OR
b) End your marriage. You obviously have no problem cheating on this man. You seem to lead separate lives. So leave him and then you can be free to sleep around and do what you want.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, claireleatherdale +, writes (9 September 2008):
 right for starters make edward sort him self out if money is his trouble then being disabled will get him a socal worker who will help him which will take the pressure off u so u can be his friend not his wage packet.as for this chris bloke so far u haven't given into temptation which is good ask for another partner and don't see him alone if u feel ur going 2 make another mistake.as for your husband most 60year old men don't want 2 do what ur doing going out clubbing wont appeal 2 him at all why not ask him 2 go out for a nice meal just the 2 of u and try 2 look intrested in his pigeons pick one out that u like weather it be because of it's colour or because it's the smallest he might be more willing 2 do stuff with u if u do stuff with him.and as for this so called friend jillian if she truely was ur friend she would help u outta this mess not drag u deeper with inviteing u into hers and her husbands bedroom she sounds like a great person to chill out and relax with but when u both have a few drinks it seems she can make u do anything try only seeing her for meals NO ALCOHOL and a good chat on the phone every couple of days or everyday if u wish and make it clear u have more than enough 2 worry about and u don't want 2 add 2 it by being in the bedroom with her and her husband.right now as for you you seem to have very low self esteam (sorry 4 da spelling) and all this attention ur getting feels great at the time but now u've woken up and u see it's doing more damage than good, which is a good thing it's just a shame u got so deep in these problems before u woke up try 2 keep ur head on make time 4 ur husband (even if it is with him and the pigeons) and try 2 calm down on all the things that give u stress and as for not telling ur husband ok i agree with not telling him about the sex but tell him every thing else tell him all ur worries and defently tell him about how u feel he and u spend no fun time together and hope fully every thing will work out fine take care xx
...............................
A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (9 September 2008):
The only way forward is to tell him everything you have the bravery to tell him, but tell him you don't want to leave him. Its sounds like you want a purely platonic relationship with Edward, he must know deep down this is what you want.
If he will accept that there's no physical side to your relationship, but that you do love him and want to be his companion, maybe that could work?
...............................
|
