A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't know wha to do. This evening I walked down stairs to find my Dad in the sitting room on his own watching "Pornhub". He wasn't doing any hand 'business' but it was clear what was going on. I dont mention it at the time. But i am now left feeling, well I don't know. I understand that it is hard for him because he has a really bad back to it makes sex virtually impossible. We have a joke in our house, thus explaining why I would know. I just need your advice on what to do!
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, magicjack  +, writes (3 September 2014):
If you catch your dad with porn..relax..take a few long deep breaths...stay calm, this is absolutely normal for a man or woman to ocassionally enjoy some porn ..Masturbation is one of many methods to cum...just like there are many ways to have sex, there are many ways to become aroused..porn is one of the many.. the more ways you know how to become aroused, the more ways you know how to have sex.. the more fun you can have..Your dad is probably a sexionista... a guy who will enjoy the wife, and himself solo... that all falls under norm.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 June 2011):
It is normal for family to have arguments, but it is unacceptable for you dad to be pushing you and causing you harm. It is also unacceptable for him to destroy a door, this behaviour would be threatening for you and your mum. This behaviour is manipulating and controling, and normally it gets worse. Not always, sometimes when it comes out it is enough to provoke a change, but it often escalates. You can speak to your mom about it, and depending on what your relationship is like, you can speak to your dad about it too. If you aren't sure if you can talk to your dad about it, it might be a good idea to tell your dad that you are scared of him, and have a conversation about that.
You can speak to your parents about their relationship, but you have to leave it up to them to manage their relationship. If you are scared about them becoming more distant, you can speak to them about that, about how you feel.
In terms of you dad watching porn, and whether this constitutes a betrayal or not, it depends on your point of view. In my opinion, watching porn is not an act of betrayal becuase it does not involve another person, it falls more into the realm of a person's individual sexual fantasy world, but some people find it acceptable and other people do not. The person who determines whether it is a betrayal, or if it is acceptable or not, is your mum, as she is the one in the relationship with your dad. You of course are entitled to your own opinion too, and your own feelings towards it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tbonex  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Red handed? Lol. You make it sound like he did something wrong. Leave it alone, he's fine.
...............................
A
male
reader, free advice  +, writes (10 June 2011):
I think, this is not a matter to worry. Watching porn does not tear apart any relationship at all. Stop worrying. When you grow up and become a part of your new family, you would realize that this was just nothing that you have been worrying about. Keep cool and leave your dad on his way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I am just worried becuase my muum and dad have been having lots of rows. Some where my dad has pushed me and I cut my arm on the door and he also accidently puhed my mum but he ended up punching the door to pieces.
I guess I am just scared that is pulling parents further apart becuase I think they really do love each other.
I was worried about if this is betral towards my mum. I don't think I would ever talk about this to my dad as he is easily embarrassed.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (10 June 2011):
Most of the advice you have recieved so far is something like "don't say anything, don't do anything, its none of your business." That is most people's response to discussing other people's sex lives with them, particularly your parents. Most people find it awkward, there is a social norm which says that we shouldn't ask people about their sex lives and sexual habits. Also, there is a social norm which tells people that watching porn is somehow shameful, and that if they are caught watching porn it is shameful and embarrasing.
I disagree. I don't think sex, and our thoughts and feelings about sex, should be something that we feel we have to keep secret from others, I don't think that we should feel we can't talk about with others, or speak about it when we experience something like you have. It is also in a sense part of a parent's job to teach their kids about sex, and part of that is kids being able to ask parents about sex, and questions they have.
You don't say in your post what you are actually feeling, or what it is you would like to do but feel like you can't, or are wondering if you should or shouldn't. You also don't say what your relationship is like with your father, if you are used to talking to him about this kind of thing, or if you have a close relationship or not.
My advice is always the same - that people should be true to themselves and express how they feel about things, especially to the people closest to them. What you need to understand is that because of all the social norms and peoples feelings about sex and pornography, it might be embarrasing for your dad to talk about. You might not know how he will react to something that is shameful or embarrasing to him, he might get angry, or not want to talk about it, you need to be prepared for that in case he responds emotionally or awkwardly. Having said that, if you have something on your mind, I would ask it. Expressing your self and your feelings, in the long run, is the most important thing. It is natural for you to have questions or curiosity, or feelings about seeing your dad watch porn, and there is nothing wrong about expressing those thoughts and feelings, as long as you understand that it might be strange for your dad to talk about, and you might not get the response you are looking for.
Realise too, that speaking to your dad is not the only option. When you ask the question, "what do I do", you tell me, what would you like to do if you had the choice?
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 We don't like to think of our parents as sexual beings. But the fact is that they are. That can be expressed between them in their bedroom, or not, as apparently has become clear humourously in your family. And it can be expressed in other ways, as you inadvertantly discovered.
It's a private thing, either way. If you were exploring that for yourself and a parent found out, how would you like them to handle it? I would think that you'd prefer nothing be said. It shouldn't be any different for your father.
...............................
A
male
reader, zedd +, writes (10 June 2011):
It's not a crime or something, you don't have to "report" it to anyone, it's his business.
...............................
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (10 June 2011):
Your dad didn't do anything wrong. Don't think twice about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Don't do anything, don't say anything. This will become less awkward with time. Saying something will only permanently make your relationship with your father uncomfortable.
...............................
|
