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*amantha7171
writes:Dear readers,I'm presently caught in the mids of a love triangle. the guy that I'm in love with is in love with two women. This was not suppose to happen because she is his long time family friend from childhood. They both got married to other people and it didn't work out, so they are presently single. I met this wonderful guy three yrs ago while I was in the mids of a nasty divorce battle. He wants kids, I already have two and I'm not able to due to medical procedure. So we discussed it several time but he didn't talk about it any longer until one day he said that he would like to ask his long time friend to be a surrogant for his kids, which they will have equal rights to the kids cause either have kids. (there was no sexual intermacy in making these kids). This girl did have a crush on him when they were in high school, but they went there seperate ways. By the way we have a long distance relationship. I've never met her and knowing that she had a crush on him back then, him asking her to have his kids will bring the emotional attachment even closer. He said at the beginning that he doesn't have any feelings for her like that she just a good long time family friend.But now that I have expressed myself to him and so did his family, he has now grown to have emotional attachments to her and he's now in love with her. He tells me that kids don't make a marriage, eventually they will leave the nest and it only lift with you and the mother. He says that we both exhabit qualities that he likes and he doesn't no what to do. No matter what decision he makes he will hurt one of us...and that bothers him dearly. I really love this guy with all my heart and it will really break me down. He was there for me through my divorce as my pillow of strength and he took a lot from my EX, and he's still here for me today. He says he between a rock and a hard place.Please give me some advice as to what I should say to him or do??????
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): I'm not sure if he's confused. From what you've said here, it sounds like he's made his decision. He made a baby, he's spending time with her and seeing her, not you or your children.
Walk. Chalk up your losses. What you've lost isn't that big anyway. Get involved in activities in your community. Spend time with your kids. Someone decisive, local and wonderful will come around.
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female
reader, samantha7171 +, writes (23 September 2010):
samantha7171 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to say thanks so much for the sound advice. I've had my heart tied to this guy for three yrs before this situation with the baby mother accured, she just got pregnant in March 2010. We were already making wedding plans and choose a home and how he would handle the situation with my kids, which he calls his own and he gets upset when i say my kids. But todate he's never seen me or them, never given either of us any financial assistance, we would have been on line talking for 6-8hrs per day talkin for 2 1/2 yrs until she got pregnant.
He claimed that our relationship changed because I changed. I changed because he never lived up to any of the promises that he made to me or my kids. My thoughts are that he's an imposter. But I don't think that an imposter would pretend for 2 1/2 yrs each day and put up with all the shit that my ex put him and his family through. He's a soft, gentle man with a good heart, but he's been hurt so much by my ex that he's been extremly careful. I understood that then, but I've been divorced for 8mths now and he's not made an effort to come visit me or help me financially, it just talk.... and I'm tired of it. If he says that he loves and cares for my kids which he calls his, then why not communicate with them any more like he use to???? this is what he told me....he's between a rock and a hard place with making a decision so he said the best thing for us to do is for one of us to leave him...he said it will hurt, but it will be easier for him.
I personally feel that he has made a better connection with the baby mama, because he's their bonding with her and the baby, he goes to doctors visits, she's always at the family home, she has bonded with his other two kids...his ex wife child who he take care of and his baby sister he adopted. I haven't had the opportunity to do these things, so how he know how me and them will function if not given the opportunity. He said if he comes to my home town and my family see him then something will be expected.
He was tired of waiting on me in divorce court and made a hasty decision in asking this girl to carry his kids and not involve me because he knew that I would not choose her because of the history. So he made that decision only for her to be the carrier, I knew he would have become emotionally attached because that's his nature. Now I could feel when we talk that if could change the situation he would, but he don't regret the baby. I know he LOVES me deeply because for all my ex put him through, he had all rights to leave a long time ago.
Please give me your advise again because I'm kinda hurting.. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD WALK...ALL I THINK I SHOULD DO IS JUST LAY LOW AND PROTECT MY HEART.....HE'S A GOOD GUY, BUT HE'S CONFUSED AT THIS POINT
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): It sounds like you've already told him how you feel about it, so now it's up to him to decide.
If he picks his friend, then so be it. You don't have children that you made with him and you aren't married to him, so you could pretty much leave, no strings attached.
It's not worth putting up with an indecisive man when it comes to things like that. You'll find someone closer to where you live who will be devoted to you and only you, without any confusion as to where his heart lies.
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