A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in a very messy situation, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it...Lately, it's been really hard to make time to spend time with my boyfriend. When I'm busy he usually has something important to do, and vice versa, so I'm lucky if I get to see him once a week. It also doesn't help that this year is his senior year of high school. I've recently started my second year of college, so it feels like my boyfriend and I are at two completely different stages of life at the moment. I've been able to experience a great deal of freedom compared to him. He's not allowed to go out on weeknights, and if we see each other on the weekend I'm lucky if I can see him until midnight. I never thought that our age difference would be that much of an issue until now. Sometimes I really miss him. Even though it's not his fault, he can't always be here when I need him. It's also somewhat awkward for me to have a conversation with my boyfriend over texting or even by phone. It seems like we're just going through the "motions" so-to-speak of being a young couple, and honestly it's getting quite dull. Sometimes I feel as if he doesn't know how to get my blood going or make me feel beautiful. But it's not his fault. I'm his first real love, and I can't blame him for not being in the same position of life that I'm in. He doesn't know how to be that man that I need yet.I have a best male friend who I've been extremely close to for a few years now. We do almost everything together. We talk on the phone at least once a day and we tell each other everything. It's been like this for a while now, but I'm just now beginning to truly let myself fall for him. Two years ago during our last year of high school, he came over my house and we kissed. A few months after we kissed, I started dating the person who is still currently my boyfriend. My feelings for my best friend began to fade but I left him devastated and heartbroken. Despite all of this, my best friend has always wanted my happiness to come first, which shows how genuine our friendship is.Now that I'm in college, I don't feel as "caged in" as I did in high school. I can now freely hang out with a group of friends late on a weeknight and not have to worry about being home at a certain time or whatever. This freedom has allowed me to be able to hang out with my best male friend a lot more lately. I know that comparing my best male friend to my boyfriend can be a very dangerous thing to do, but I can't help it. I feel like my best friend has everything that I currently find missing in my relationship with my boyfriend. I love texting him, talking to him on the phone, writing him notes and hanging out with him. There's very few things that I would rather spend time doing. He makes me unbelievably happy and I feel beautiful around him. The things he says to me make my heart beat so fast. We're both well aware about how we feel about each other too. My best friend is also in college, so we have some spare time during the weekdays to hang out with each other, usually alone. Sometimes the way that he looks at me makes me so weak. Sometimes I want to give in to the temptation to kiss him on the lips, something we've both thought of since that moment over two years ago when we first kissed. But, we've never actually crossed that line. He respects the fact that I have a boyfriend, which is one of the reasons I love him so much. I also get extremely jealous when I see him around other girls, which is extremely hypocritical of me seeing that I have a boyfriend. A few days ago I think I made a mistake. I was spending time with my best friend, and I kissed him on the cheek. I know it's not the same as on the lips, but it was just as meaningful to me. The bad thing about this is that I should've felt worse about this, but I didn't. I just felt more confused than anything. That's all that happened, but I'm just afraid that there will be an instance in the near future will I will give in. I'm afraid that this will all blow back up in my face, and all of us will end up hurt. But, I don't know if I'm ready to completely abandon my relationship with my current boyfriend. Also, if I choose to stay in my relationship, I don't want to have to give up my friendship with my best friend. This seems too difficult to handle, and it's really been affecting me lately. Am I trying too hard to have my cake and eat it too? Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this? What would you do? I'd really appreciate the help. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, I haven't been on this site in a while, and I just wanted to say thank you so much for the wonderful responses! A few days after I wrote that article, I gave into temptation and kissed my best friend on the lips. I told my boyfriend, who seemed to almost expect it, and we hardly took a three-day break. I tried to hold onto our relationship as long as I could, but I ended up breaking up with him in early January. We haven't spoken since, but he will always remain a magnificent person to me.Since then, I've spilled everything to my best friend. We went on little "dates" for about a month and a half, and then we started dating. We've been inseparable ever since. I am still completely head over heels for him, and it really goes to show that you will ALWAYS fall for your best friend in the end. I've honestly never been happier.
A
male
reader, drew22 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 This post reminds me a lot of what happened to me. I wont go in debt with my experience but all i can say is your best friend will be your boyfriend sooner or later. Both you guys know it also but probably don't want to bring it up haha. Like a aunt had said earlier, you and your best friend hanged out so much and share everything together and now you've developed feelings for him whiles the opposite happened with you and your bf. Besides the relationship your in right now wont make it, its best to talk to your bf and tell him that it cant work out like this. Anyways best of luck.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Hi,It sounds like you are trying to have your cake and eat it too, but that's also very understandable.It sounds to me like you're in love with your friend. You two have spent a lot of time together and you get along really well, and naturally you're growing feelings for him again.Meanwhile, your feelings for your boyfriend are fading because of lack of contact and communication. And you're right in saying that you are in two different stages of life. What you have to ask yourself is, how much do you really care about and like your current boyfriend? If you love him, then I would recommend perhaps giving him more of a chance. He's in his final year of school, and that will be over soon. Meaning after that, he will probably start to get more free time and you two will be able to spend more time together.But if you think you like your best friend better than your boyfriend, then it might be time for you to call it off with your boyfriend. Be honest with him but let him down gently. If you keep having feelings and spending so much time with your friend, whom you're falling for, whilst still staying with your boyfriend, then you will end up hurting both of them in the long run.You have to give this a lot of serious thought, who do you see yourself being with in the long run? Who do you enjoy being with more? Who makes you happier?These are questions you have to ask yourself.Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): The truth of the matter is that you can't have them both, so don't try. decide on the person you truly want to be with. No offence but from how it sounds from your post, the one you really want is your best friend. I would let your boyfriend go, yes he is going to be hurt, but he will be hurt worse if you continue this messy situation. That's what I got from your post anyway hope it helps.
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