A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Help! I did a terrible thing. A friend of mine told me the guy I'm living with has a reputation for being unfaithful. I didn't believe her because he's been nothing but wonderful to me. But my curiousity got the best of me and I created a fake on-line name and started e-mailing him. I pretended to be a woman from his past that saw him playing with a band he used to be in and said I had a crush on him but never had the nerve to meet him. He immediately gave me his work e-mail address (safer, because I don't have access to it) and as the e-mails went back and forth, things became more sexual. He did tell my alter-ego e-mail-personality that he had a girlfriend and didn't want to get "caught" so he wanted to hook up in a nearby city and spend a few days together because he was going there on business. Now I'm freaking out because he's obviously planning to cheat on me and I don't know how to handle this!! I know I shouldn't have done this terrible thing, but it revealed something about him, that I wouldn't have known otherwise! I'm tempted to show up at his hotel on the day he is suppose to meet the fake woman I created and break up with him. But because I know I staged this whole thing, I feel horrible about it and I really don't want to lose him. So now what?.....They're going to meet for their little rendevous in 7 days.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): You have ruined your relationship. Every man that you will ever date has the potential to cheat on you. Especially if somebody is throwing themselves at them. If he treated you so kind why have you treated him so deceptively? Which is better, to be with a man who cheats in secret and who treats you like a queen or a man who treats you like dirt who doesn't cheat. Those are the options in the real world. There are rare exceptions to the rule, and those exceptions prove the general principle. The damage is done, and it was done by you. The man has not actually done anything wrong yet. He ought to be free to engage in any conversation in private just as you should. Even plans of that nature are still in the realm of fantacy until conduct is engaged. You are distrustful and are not mature enough to be in a relationship with a man yet. Your gotcha tactic is 100 times worse than if he would have met with this women in secret used a condom and had sex with her. Where is the real harm if you are his primary? If you are the one that he considers first? Without trust there is nothing in a relationship. Part of that trust involves forgiveness for falling into temptation. You broke the trust by creating a trap. 99% of men would have done the same thing. Why? Do some reading on the natural inclinations of Men's sexuality. It should be obvious just by observing their behavior. You should come clean with you partner and apologize for your deception. However he would be a fool to stay in a relationship with you.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (15 November 2006):
 He admitted he had a girlfriend so he was honest with the fake you, but about to deceive and cheat on the real you.
Yes you was sneaky to do what you did but if he was doing no wrong you would have laid it to rest with the security that he loves you and wouldn't spoil what you have together, instead he took the bait and is on his way to cheating on you and I'm sorry but if it wasn't a fake you it would be someone else if not more, and more often than not, once a cheat always a cheat especially someone that goes to great lengths to arrange it and work it so that he don't get caught, is this the first time because he really seems to know how to do this while covering his back the whole time!!! I would turn up and meet him, if you don't he will try the excuses like I was tempted but when it came to it I backed out and didn't show or I was tempted but I was about to cancel and say I can't do it to my girlfriend, you need to go and see that he really was going to do it and therefore giving him no room to make an excuse, even if you just go and see and not confront him until he gets back you need to see him there with the intention to cheat on you.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, Holly_Wood +, writes (14 November 2006):
 I don't know what kind of a guy he is, but what if you meet up with him and he gets angry, and possibly violent? I wouldn't meet up with him at all. It looks like your intuition was telling you that this guy is not trustworthy, so you created this situation--and now you know. Think about this: If you meet with him, what would you hope to achieve? That he'll explain things to you and promise you he'll never cheat? Would you ever believe him, having first-hand experience with him as your alter-ego? He sounds like he cannot be trusted, so you'd only put yourself through emotional torture confronting him. The best thing you might want to do for yourself is decide if you can be okay by yourself (and I hope you can!), and just tell him it's over between you--no explanations given. You already have enough evidence as to why he'd not be a good partner, so that's all you need to know. Let him try to find out why you got rid of him...no need for you to give him ANY explanations. Sounds like he wouldn't give you one to cheat, so why give him one to say "buh bye"? Again--don't meet with him. It could turn ugly, dangerous, or he could plead his case and suck you back into this, only to have it happen again in the future--and believe me, once a cheater, always a cheater! Good luck, whatever you do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): This is exactly the same thing I did to my ex boyfriend !!!! I found out exactly why he didn't want to be with me anymore. I wish I would have set him up for the fall.
A friend told me to wait until after we broke up to try and meet him as the other woman, that way he would think that he already had someone else on the side, but HE DIDN'T. In the meantime, give him a dose of his own medicine, break up with him first, lead him on for a few months until you find someone new, then bust his arse !!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006):
I really dont see the point of meeting him. You have all the information you need at this point, dont turn this into a farce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): I think you should go along with your plan. If he is willing to stray away and keep it on the downlow who knows how many other times he has done this! I think it's good that you found out this about him now that later. You already know he is willing to cheat on you and obviosly doesnt feelt the same for you otherwise he would not try so hard to keep from getting caught. Good Luck ..PS. just remeber just like he was able to find someone you as well can find someone just as good!.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Oh yes, I say meet up him. You shouldn't feel a moment's guilt,outsmarting someone is nothing to be ashamed of. Prove him to be the cad that he is.
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A
female
reader, b3x  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 By the way honey, you didn't do a terrible thing at all! x
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A
female
reader, b3x +, writes (14 November 2006):
I seriously think you should go meet him, act like your this person and arrange to meet him when your away....
Look at the shock on his face, explain to him hes a lying cheat and what the hell was he playing at arranging to meet other women. Oh how I wish I could be there and see his face!
I really think you should meet him though! xx
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A
female
reader, msel2304 +, writes (14 November 2006):
 In my opinion, you had every right to do what you did! You hav to out yourself first and now that you know what type of guy he is, print out the e-mails damnit and tell him that you know what he was planning on doing! You may not want to lose him but if you hadn't of caught him and if that "other" girl wasn't you, then it would have been someone else and you wouldn't even know about it. Confront him or live with that feeling that your relationship is a lie. Good luck!
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