A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! Been with my boyfriend six months and have been very happy. I'm supposed to meet his parents this summer. I was kinda hurt that he didn't wanna spend time with my family (they had asked if he'd wanna come bowling). But he said it wasn't his thing. I found myself feeling distant towards him and all kinds of things came to mind. Did he not think my family good enough etc? Was it because we're poorer and different cultures? I felt so down especially since things have been horrible at work and I kept mostly to myself and haven't seen him in a week. I'm introverted so I needed to sort through that terrible time. I figured he'd want time with his friends since we just came back from a trip. We've been in contact though. He texted me today to say that if its not too late, he changed his mind about going bowling. But now I feel like he thinks he has to or something. Doesn't feel right. What do you think?
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 Cindy cares got it right-don't over think things. He probably just thought about how it must of come across and a bit unfair and has simply realised having a change of heart. None of us are perfect and sometimes are guilty of bad judgment calls.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 February 2016):
 .. That you are doing a lot of thinking on behalf or your bf too, while he has his own functioning brain which does not need to be fed with your thoughts.
Maybe he just does not like bowling as a sport. Maybe he does not like the idea of renting shoes where umpteen unknown people have sweated in ( LOL; this is ME lending my thoughts to your bf.... never mind this ).
Maybe family outings are not his thing in general, no disrespect meant to anybody. ( Now , with age, I have mellowed out a bit, but I remember that at your bf's age I never wanted to do family outings either , except , very occasionally, with MY family. I thought, and I still think nowadays , even if now I am more willing to compromise,that life is too short and time too precious to spend it with people you don't feel a strong connection with or a real interest for ).
Maybe he thought that since you were pleasantly occupied yourself, that would have been a good occasion fpr catching up with his friends- or HIS family.
In short, his refusal does not have to come from a place of malice or arrogance or closemindedness. It is a bit strange , in fact, that this is the first thing that popped up in your mind , when I guess all he was saying was, he understands how this kind of evening may be a joy and a treat for you, but as for him he can think of much better ways to spend his time than going bowling, no disrespect meant to the bowling players. Just different tastes !
Now he changed his mind and you feel it may only be because he realized he hurt your feelings. Well, and even if it were so ... ? Let me tell you, that's a possibility, I doubt he got all excited about bowling overnight.
BUT, he is excited about being with you, and he is excited about not making you cross or sad. So, he is willing to make some adjustement to his initial decisison , in order to keep you happy. What would be wrong with that ?! I think that would be very nice of him, showing you that he can be flexible if YOU care a lot about something, and that he values spending time with you doing... not his kind of stuff, over spending time on his own doing his kind of stuff.
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