A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm feeling low. I feel my boyfriend is mistreating me. He is 28 I'm 43, he's turkish. I know it's a big age gap, but I don't look 43 and he looks older. The problem is we have been together for 18 months and things are starting to go bad, he can't hold down a job, tells lies, is occasionally nasty.He is normally very sweet to me and so when he is nasty I find it a shock and ,of course, it really upsets me. He has threatened to leave me a few times but never actually does it. Sometimes i get so angry and say ok leave then,but after argung we usually make up. What I hate is the pain of not knowing what's going on. I know I should take control and end it but I love him. We seem inexplicably attracted to each other and can't actually make the break. We have been living together all this time. How can I take control? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Honey! You may not look 43, but the fact is that you are. He is disrespecting you because he can. No doubt he knows that he can go out and pick up someone younger any time he wants. If he is not working who is paying the bill's? let me guess! that would be you.
I know that I sound totally un-caring, but believe me i'm not. You know deep down that it will not last, and he is probably using you. Get out while you can, and before you waste anymore years on this man. You are only 43 and are still young enough to meet someone worth while.
Take a deep breath and leave him, before it's to late.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Maybe the problem is the holding a job. In the USA, boys are considered the bread winner (the one with the job supporting his family, you). When he fails at this, even when it is out of his control, he feels less of a man and will become angry.
For both of you, it might help if you both discuss these problems together and work out a deal where you both support and help each other through this rough time. If this works, future problems will be handled better by him because he won't feel all alone in fixing the problem when he feels his hands are tied.
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