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male
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*howmehow
writes: I am married with 2 kids and a wonderful wife.I am fully committed to my wife and kids.I had a relationship with a girl from my neighbourhood right from childhood to adulthood. We were engaged to get married . We had strong sexual relationship . everything was fine , till her brother broke us up. ( Her Dad is was no more )She decided to side her bro and family and ditch me. I tryed all I can to stop her , took her to the court to get married , saw her bro , begged kneeled etc . We never meet and DID NOT PART ON A GOOD TERM. She never meet me , just ditched me after 10 years of relationship.I waited 4 years , but she did not call. I moved on....she got married 6 years after our breakup. she has a daughther now. Its been 14 years now ... I still cant get over her..She keeps hauthing me in my dreams and in all that I do . This is hindering with my loving myself , my wife and my kids. So I decieded that I need to get in touch with her and reslove the unresolved relationship , talk it out and finish it off once and for all. She is in other country and I am in the US now.I confided in a close friend , who asked her phone number .She readly gave it and when I called she was glad that I called and we had about 4 calls each for an hour or more. I discussed and asked questions .. looks like she still thinks I am to be blamed . She read out all the peom she wrote to me , She says that I should have waited more ...for her...She now gives me an indirect hint that I should call her sometimes..etc etc...Where do I go on from here...what is the right direction to follow on this ... she is married and committed to her family and I am to my family.....Pls advise ..
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reader, wnabe_ctygrl +, writes (4 March 2006):
You shouldn't even be contacting her! you are married and have kids. you shouldnt be dealing with your past relationships. Would you like it if your wife was carrying around like this? you do need to get some counciling and save yourself before you end up in a ditch
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): This so called 'resolve' didn't get you anywhere, did it? I think that you are experiencing a classic "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. You had these youthful romantic memories to hold onto which is more attractive to you than the day-to-day realities of your marriage. You take any hints this gal gives you and you and toss it, in your brain's 'basket 13". By not doing this, you will be playing with fire and I think you know this. Sounds like you and this past gf-are not truly happy in your perspective marriages. I think you both need to address those problems. You're caught in an emotional time warp right now and you need to cut all contact..with this past love. Your spouses comes first. Get into some marriage counselling and work on yourself. You phoned her and all I can say is-most people who purposely seek 'something' outside their marriage usually are very self-centered and feel 'entitled' to lash out at their spouse through cheating rather than do the work of rebuilding love and committment. Be strong and stay the course, sir...don't waver or you'll have a lifetime of guilt and pain to deal with. Good luck.
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