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female
age
41-50,
*yorca
writes:Fell in love with this guy 3 years ago, he moved away and never left a forwarding address.... I've "moved on" in every other way, but sometimes I still think about him, I have colorful dreams about him. It's frustrating because if he's gone, I want him to be gone, I don't want to keep hanging on to those feelings. We were close, but how close could we have been if he didn't bother to keep in touch? Ugh. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): relish the time in the past and use it to make your future...look back, just don't stare.
get your mind busy with plans and schemes and energy of what you want to do.
Star.x.
A
female
reader, nyorca +, writes (24 May 2009):
nyorca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you guys, for your thoughtful answers.
I just want to clarify - I had no bad experiences with him. The whole experience was somewhat transcendental... mystical, if you like.
I haven't actually had any thoughts of him recently until the dream today (I had frequent vivid dreams about him 3 yrs ago after he left). It's disconcerting because he was not on my mind, but the dreams are powerful. Disconcerting.
I guess, as CupidsAdvisor suggests, I just really want to know why these dreams happen and why he is in my mind when everything else is done and gone. There's not an easy answer to this. Maybe he symbolizes something I need. Maybe I'm doing something that's sparking it... I don't know!
Throughout my life, I have been completely in control of thoughts, feelings, wishes and emotions. But dreams are something else entirely.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I subscribe to the knowledge that all thoughts and feelings are under control. As per the books, "As A Man Thinketh" and "How To Be Your Own Best Friend" your emotional state and thoughts are completely in your hands. 16 years ago I would scoff at those who claim I can control my feelings and thoughts. When a thought and it's accompanying emotion swept over me, I believed it was destiny and the universe dictating what I was to experience. The truth is, you are at the helm of every feeling you experience. All feelings, all emotions are a direct product of the thoughts we choose to have. All thoughts are a choice, albeit it most of them habitual, they are still a choice. And though it's hard to believe, your every thought is a choice. Before we realize this, thoughts came to us in countless droves, as if we've no control; victims of our own minds. But imagine for a moment you were to just place a "Stop" sign up in your mind; a Stop Sign that springs forward in the instant a thought which holds you from happiness comes along. Suppose your ex was abusive, or neglectful, or destroyed something precious. And being the human you are, in some random moment you think of it, because the pain of his action isn't done yet. So the replay continues. What if you were to place a "Stop" at the moment it comes, and then replace that thought with anything true and positive. It could be the weather, or when a friend was kind recently, or an achievement you've made. Just any and I mean ANY thought that is true and progressive.How to get something destructive out of our mind is to admit the destruction that item did, then choose to forgive it, that that person owes you nothing for what they did wrong, and then substitute the thoughts of their error with anything true and positive. You can get past and over it, and you master all that rolls through your mind.Britt429 is right - it fades through time, but only if you manage that time with occupying your mind and actions with things that build long term happiness. You're up to the job. You're up to it because the only way out is through; choosing the next thought habits.
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reader, CupidsAdvisor +, writes (24 May 2009):
Well there are many points in this question. britt429 is right you cant control your subconscious but if Sigmund Freud was right then your subconscious is telling you something. If britt429 is having dreams of her boyfriend then there could be some aspect about her teen b/f that she admired that she wishes she could feel again with her current love aka her husband. Its all about the "interpretation" of these feelings. And nothing fades with time we have this thing called a brain and we have this thing called a soul. Over time we learn new things and learn to love again, yea, but your memories will never fade. All of my answers depend on many different aspects, but if there is one thing we can answer it is that you need to find out why and move on. He moved away with out giving you a forward address, this would make me feel as if there might be something wrong with me. But there is nothing wrong with you it is him.I know you have moved on in every way but subconsciously your curiosity is getting the better of you. So i suggest you find out why he left, why he didn't give you a forwarding address so that you might finally rest your soul and move on. Dont be afraid to ask questions. If i can answer any of your questions just ask.-CA To all readers: There is limit on how i answer questions, i don't know all of you personally so it is hard for me to put my fingers on your questions unless i get most of the facts straight. So please when asking, make sure to take your time and write down everything and don't just take my advice as true, look toward others as well and make sure to take a look on the inside too, 9/10 you already have the answers. Thank You :)-CA
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reader, nyorca +, writes (24 May 2009):
nyorca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, britt429... I certainly hope so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I know it' frustrating, but you can't control your subconscious mind. I was married with three kids and still had dreams of my teenage boyfiend. It will fade with more time.
Sorry I can't be of more help
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Not sure what your question is but after three years, you really should have moved on by now! Get some hobbies or something? Maybe you're just more comfortable living in your head and with fantasies than actually living life or something.
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