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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a serious relationship for 4 years. My partner and I recently had a break because I cheated and couldn't face him. He doesn't know that I have been unfaithful. Things are not going well, although he has moved back in and we are both trying to make it work. I love him and know we should be together. Why do I feel the need to be unfaithful? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): I understand what this feels like.
I too was in a 5 year relationship and had a one night stand, even worse with his best friend on a drunken night out.I didn't tell him for two months and it hurt every time to hide it from him. I eventually broke down and told him when i couln't take it no more and for two months after we were apart but still talking. I can honestly say that there was a great relief lifted from my shoulders when i told him and now after two months we are begining to date again. My advice to you would be no matter how hard it is ,if you love him,tell him or it will only get worse over time. As well as the fact you would not want anyone else to tell him who know what has happened.Think of it this way, if they say you only live once,would you really want to live your life together knowing you have kept a lie from him. Believe me, honesty is the best way. Be brave and truthfull. At the end of it all he will respect you for being honest to [email address blocked] if you need to talk to someone just email me. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): My boyfriend told me he wanted a break but didn't tell me the whole truth. It broke hy heart wondering and questioning. 2 weeks later he admitted he had a crazy fling for 2 weeks and he told me everything I wanted to know. The whole truth. A lot of it hurt to hear, but he said if there was ever a chance we could give it another go then he had to come completely clean. I even found out he had a one night stand before this. He told me everything. It is the only way that I consider going on. In your position, I am sure the guilt will eat you up and ensure that you are unhappy with this guy until the truth comes out. In addition, if you still feel like cheating, you are obviously missing something in this relationship and it is only fair for both of you that you come clean and allow and honest decision to be made. Good luck to you both.
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female
reader, siren +, writes (14 September 2005):
you should tell your partner that you cheated because then it is his desicion if he is to forgive you which he may or may not do..in my opinion there is a reason for cheating tho sometimes there isnt the thing id if you are still together and he doesnt know then your relationship is a lie and things will only get worse not any better
though on the other hand too for you to tell him then you are only easing your own guilt to make you feel better as the pain of this will be unbarable
it will also stop the trust in your relationship as it will take a long time for the trust to be there again and every thing you say and do he will doubt aswell as when you say you love him
though i still believe that the truth is better out as it as a way of coming out anyway and better to hear it from you than someone else
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (14 September 2005):
 First off, dont feel like you should be ashamed of yourself because thats ridiculous. Obviously, you are resentful for what you did and you know what? Thats a good sign. Seriously, from someone who was in the same shoes as you it wouldnt be crazy to speak with a therapist, because they can help bring out your deep emotions that might explain your problem.
Secondly, from my point of view people cheat for many reasons, it could be the lack of physical chemistry you have with your man, having self-esteem issues, the feeling of being wanted by another guy, the feeling of newness, and finally it can be your way of trying to see what else is out there without losing a guy you love.
What is not going well now in your relationship?
Are you happy with your guy? Is there something missing in your relationship? And if it is what? One of those above reasons can be causing you to cheat.
Here is my conclusion, if your having sexual relationships with other men while you are with your boyfriend, that isnt good. He needs to know things like that, because you might be putting him at risk for STD's. I think you should also sit down with your guy and talk to him about how much you love him but feel like something is missing in your relationship.
For the whole cheating situation, avoide situations that might cause you to cheat. If there are certain people who you cheat with, or place you go were you have cheated before, drinking heavily can highten your desire for sex. Things of that nature.
In the end it's up to you. You need to be willing and ready to change for yourself, and get on the right track. If your not willing and ready nothing anyone says will help. You make your own decisions, and ultimately, you have to face yourself in the mirrior and see if your happy with the person looking back at you. Living a double life will catch up to you, so when your ready make that leap and dont turn back.
dee =)
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reader, pops +, writes (13 September 2005):
You should be ashamed of yourself. That is why it is called cheating! How are we to know why you feel like screwing other men? We can't possibly know what is in your head, or your heart, or what kind of sex life you have with the live-in. But if it is so unsatisfying after only 4 years, that you feel a need to find someone else, do both of you a favor, and move on. Then see a sex therapist to see what was going on.
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