A
male
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anonymous
writes:I love sex but nothing spoils the mood more for me than when she suggests we do it without a condom. I instantly lose my hard-on and it's not getting back up after a comment like that.I don't want to get an STI. I trust her but how can I trust the sexual history of the partners she's been with before?I don't want an accidental pregnancy. Even if she's on the pill, it's not a perfect solution and fails in a number of circumstances.This is what I'm thinking about during sex. All my past girlfriends were understanding. We would go get tested for STIs and I would wear a condom. The sex is always phenomenal after this; my mind is so clear and, wanting, I can stay hard until the morning.I've shared this with two close friends and the reaction was expected "An STI check, how romantic!". I understand their point of view but I'm starting to feel alone on this point so I'm posting here. Reactions from girlfriends have been mixed. Some are very cool with it, others feel a little insulted or even flat out insulted like I was insinuating that they were promiscuous when I really don't mean too and in one case the girl was resistant at first. I dread broaching the subject and I sometimes feel like a nut for asking.Can anyone relate???
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condom, sexual past, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 It doesnt matter whether this is romantic or not. I knew a case where a girl was dating a soccer player and he demanded she got checked for STDs before they would have unprotected sex.She came to us and yelled that this was INSULTING.it isn't. Its absolutely OK. Let her know this. Its ur right.=)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): wow, I would jump at that opportunity. I think it's kind of funny that it kills the mood for you that she doesn't want you to wear a condom. Usually condoms are the mood killers. I think you're worrying about it in excess. You both should get tested and then try it without one. Once you do you won't want to go back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input! I've always gotten tested as well and shown her the test results. I usually phrase it as something we should do and then tell her how I would feel much more comfortable if we did. I don't tell her I've gotten tested in the past because I generally don't bring up my ex-gfs and she never asks about this. You don't want to talk about past sexual partners if you don't have to so I don't.
I figured that if I launched into a general discussion about it beforehand she would think that I had an STI since why else would I bring it up? I just suggest it and I get mixed reactions.
I was just wondering if anyone else on here has ever asked their partner to go get tested with them and if they had any advice.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2010):
 You're absolutely in the right, and I agree with the ones who say that you should suggest being tested together. Never trust your own safety and reproductive responsibility with anyone else. You are being responsible, and that's great.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): Phrase it as "Let's get tested together" to avoid insult or embarrassment to her and she should have no issue with it... good luck :)
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I actually completely agree with you, as long as you get the tests done too. Because even if you say you have always used condoms, the girl you are with cannot verify that, so if you want her to get tested for your piece of mind, you should get tested for her piece of mind.
But on the whole I think you are being very sensible, and you may be being a little more cautious than most people would, but that doesn't make it wrong. it is your body and you have every right to choose.
I think you just have to be careful how you phrase it. Maybe phrase it as more of a thing you both need to do to be sensible, rather than something you just expect her to do.
Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): Some people will feel insulted, they probably feel like you don't trust their word. But that's understandable. There is nothing wrong with asking for a test and wanting to see the results for yourself. People lie, but more often than that people just don't know that they have something. Not all diseases have symptoms and they can go unnoticed for a long time. There is no such thing as being too safe, and if someone still gets upset at your request after explaining your feelings about it, then they aren't the right person. You are being very responsible and that's a good thing.
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A
female
reader, Confused and a little scared  +, writes (4 May 2010):
I am on board with you. If and when I decide to have a new partner I always worry because I know I am clean but how do I know they are? It's simple to have the test done and reassure both of you. As a woman I think other women shoulden't have a problem with this. I mean come on your both then just being causious and protecting yourselfs. it is the safe smart thing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): I know this isn'treally advice but I'm glad there are guys out there who feel like this!!! I alwyas use protection because it ridiculous not to unless you want kids and or chlamdia! Anyway she probably thinks it's in your favour, maybe explain to her?
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