A
female
age
30-35,
*laire1987
writes:I really like someone for the first time in a few months and I'm trying to show I'm available without been too desperate but I just end up feeling more rejected at the moment. She has been having a hard time lately and has to go through a court case because of an incident that happened on a night out, she's suffered concession for the last few weeks. I was suppose to meet up with her last week as friends but she cancelled on me with a plausible reason about her friend having a breakdown due to a cheating partner who is currently pregnant at the moment, it seemed really plausible and she promised she'd come to my area (we live 30miles apart) the weekend after. Its now the weekend after and I messaged to see what time she wanted to meet and she said she can't as she has three kids that aren't hers on her hands so unless I want to meet her with them she can't do it. Like I get it ... Clearly I aren't a priority to her. I haven't replied as yet but I wish she had told me earlier. I'm pissed off but went out last night which didn't end the way I'd planned (my friend got us into drama in the pub after too many drinks at the football) I want to tell her that cancelling on me a second time is shit of her even as a friend but I'm unsure if I'm over reacting or how to word it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): I have a friend like this. I used to think we were very close. But once she started canceling regularly on me, I just reevaluated and "downgraded" the relationship, that is, I think less of it, it's less of a priority, it's less of something I emotionally invest in because I know how fickle it is. We're together when she's available, and I accept that. No one likes a flake, and it's hard when you feel like you felt a connection, and it's not being immediately reciprocated-that hurts! But it's still early days. It's hard for you to pull the investment card when you two haven't established much. Of course, how are you going to get to know each other better if she's not seeing you? Well. You really only have one option, because the other options will potentially push her away. Respect her space. You can propose a new plan, but I think it's good to set boundaries. If you think that a third plan or a fourth plan that is canceled is disrespectful, pull away. If you think that you would be better served not having the person in your life because it's too imbalanced, make that life decision. But my feeling is you can't control people, you can't change people, you can only change how you react to what people do, so set boundaries that make sense to you, and don't look back.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 Why not meet up with her and the three children and all do something fun together?
I think it would not be fair of you to tell her she is being a shit friend. Look she is going through a tough time, friends are meant to be there for you in hard times. But you are being needy and moany. Don't add to her troubles.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2016): So why didn’t you go meet her while she was with the children? If you’re so keen on seeing her, she told you how you could meet up, you decided against it, guess your needs are your priority. Pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.
If you want to be considered a whiny needy person by this woman, byu all means go off on her telling her she’s shit as a friend. You need to hold the mirror up to yourself because you are the one who isn’t being a friend. Probably the best thing you can do is keep away from her with that attitude you’ve sprouted which is most unattractive and exceedingly selfish.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (12 June 2016):
Well, it really depends what you are wanting to achieve. You likely need to pull back and get on with other aspects of life, and pop her a text saying gosh you have a lot on your plate! No worries. Let me know if you want to rearrange, here if you want an ear to unload! And let her come to you if she wants to.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 June 2016):
 You say yourself that she is having a hard time at the moment, and from what you have written she is! Court cases, suffering concussion, (not fun), a pregnant, cheated on friend, three kids that aren't hers and you .... feeling rejected. To be honest, in her shoes you would also not be top of my list of priorities ... and if you tell her she is shit, or acting in a shitty manner, what do you think that is going to achieve??
It might make you feel better but I think it would make her feel pretty damned shit, which is just what she needs at the present time ..... right?
You say you "like" her, but do you CARE about her? Did you ask if there was anything you could do to help? Did you tell her if she needs somebody to vent with or talk to you are available? Did you offer to help with the kids (that she has for whatever reason)? Did you tell her you understand meeting up is not possible right now, and you hope she comes through unscathed?
Nope ... you have sat there thinking about how the issues she has to deal with are affecting your life and wanting to add to those issues by telling her she is shit.
Well, go ahead if it will make you feel better, but be prepared for the consequences of such a shit act!
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