A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First things first, some history. My ex-girlfriend and I have made some terrible mistakes regarding one another. We have moved on from the resentment and have gotten past it all. We are still madly in love and both can see our 2nd go around being very successful and truly magical. In fact she says "our story is unfinished" and I completely agree. There is one thing stopping us.Due to the hurt we caused one another, she began dating someone who doesn't know about me or the kind of passion she and I have for one another. I haven't dated or been sexual with anyone since our split. It wouldn't be that big of a problem because I know that I should have let her go and try and be as happy as she deserves to be. However, she repeatedly tells me that she is "confused." She doesn't want to settle, either for me or him. She is afraid that if she chooses me that there will always be that "what could have been" feeling regarding him. I get it because they are in a committed, sexual relationship with chemistry and attraction to one another with a few things in common. The flip side to the confusion coin is that she is afraid to choose him because she will lose out on the foundation which we built and the chemistry and passion we have for one another. We have seen the growth and change in each other to validate all the feelings of longing to be with one another again. She constantly tells me that "he's just not you" and "he doesn't put in the same effort or call me nice names anymore like you still do." Of course this is the Reader's Digest version of my story but I will finish with my straight forward question.Should I continue to be the great man she deserves and continue to write her love letters, and talk constantly, and support her? Or should I let this rebound relationship thrive or fizzle and remove myself completely from the situation?See we are still best friends but I have told her that because of my feelings for her I cannot be her friend anymore and witness the love of my life building a relationship with someone other than me. She refuses to have these awkward conversations with her new guy because its so new and it is difficult for her. I didn't want to give her an ultimatum but I know that if I don't she will drag this on forever and I will either be the backup plan (sucker stuck in the friend zone) or the man who stole her away from a possible potential.Help me and my sanity?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2015): Sorry, but sounds like she is cheating on her new boyfriend with her ex-boyfriend. She still apparently has feeling for you, but doesn't sound like she really wants to be back with you. If she did, she would already have broken up with the current boyfriend.
Sorry to say, I think you should cut off contact altogether for at least 6-12 months, so that you both can get some closure on your past relationship and move on.
I think she is using you, even though she sees it as being "confused". She doesn't want to give up the ego stroke you give her or the comfort and security her current boyfriend gives her. She will keep you around as long as she can, until she cannot make it work with the new man, or until he finds out and dumps her.
Please move on, you deserve much better.
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