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female
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anonymous
writes: How can you tell the difference between a guy asking you out to dinner as a friend and as a potential gf? And what are good ways to tell guys you are not interested and keep them as a friend? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Zim  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 I would say that from experience, if it is something that the guy would not normally do then it is quite possible that he is romantically interested. Unfortunately different guys do different things, but I know that when I ask a girl out, i'm quite serious about asking it. Other guys however would be quite jovial about it. A friend of yours that is shy would be especially shy if they were to ask you out on a date. I know this because I was and still am a very shy guy.:-)
You also need to look at their body language, so if they react differently toward you for instance. Looking into your eyes deeply and stroking your arm or back for example is a sure sign of fondness.
The best thing to do if you are not interested is to tell them as soon as possible and in a way so that they would not be embarassed. So, for instance, talking to them in private would be good. I know that I would respect that a lot. The best way i've found is to say that "i'm sorry, but I just don't think of you in that way". That, in my mind, gives a straight answer and lets them down nicely in a respectful way. It all depends on the person as to whether it will affect your relationship as friends. Unfortunately none of us follow certain views in life, but then, that's what makes life fun!
A
male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 First, the guy that caused you to ask this question is interested in a romantic relationship. You are suffering confustion because when he asked you to dinner he explicitly asked in a manner that made you question if it was a date or as friends. This was probably intended to give you time to evaluate how you feel about the guy and to let you know he is interested.
This gives you the ability to mention that you are not romantically interested in him on or before the "date", and allow him to save face by responding that he did not mean it as a date. This should make it clear what your intentions are and mitigate any awkwardness.
Keep in mind that you may not be able to save the friendship, ultimatly you have rejected this person as a romantic partner and that can make it very hard to remain friends. Always in his mind will be this little vioce in his head that asks "What makes me good enough to be her friend but not good enough to be a boyfriend?".
The best thing you can do is be realistic with him, and hope the friendship works out. It might not and that's not your fault and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just how life works out sometimes.
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