A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so right here it is in a nutshell.I have been dating this girl, she's apples, really a sweetheart, very very pretty, charming, the whole lot.problem is---she cannot communicate. when she is upset, she shuts down and wont talk. wont tell whats botherin her, or how i can help. I just have to wait it out until the mood passes.also, she cannot talk to me about issues. when we get into a fight about things in our relationship, like her tardiness for instance, she becomes defensive, like she cannot stand criticism. she admits herself she never grew up in a house where people discussed feelings, everyone was always keeping things to themselves. she says she loves me, but talking about things like feelings is rot to her.i on the other hand, grew up in a bit of a raucous setting where we just let it all out. i fear that in the future, if there is to be one, she and i will have a bit of a hard go at it because of her inability to discuss things or even look inside herself. is there any way to fix it? is there hope or is she just going to be a silent sheila all her days? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (20 July 2011):
You need to decide if she's capable of working on this relationship. There is hope, but she's going to have to WORK on growing. If she doesn't, save both of you the horror of a messy divorce in a few years and part as freinds now.
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Speak to her, when she isnt in one of these "shut down" moods and tell her that you want to be there for her and that keeping it all to herself wont make her problems go away and that if she told you, you could understand what was upsetting her and get through them together. How long have you been together? (sometimes it is about not letting everyone new-ish into her life)Sometimes it is a question of trust and if it is, give her time. I remember the bf i am currently with, he was also likes this, and he would just be quiet and not respond to any questions, even if i did try to help him. So i would hold him and make sure he knew how important he was to me.Although it did all change when i became upset at one point and i did what he did and shut down, maybe half to show him what it was like. and this made him see how it felt and how i wanted to help.I wouldnt suggest this as a way to get through it, but maybe mention it through conversation and how she would feel if you were upset and she couldnt help.I hope i helped and i wish you all the best x
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