A
female
age
30-35,
*roofroo22
writes: I guess you can say that I am not a dating expert at all, so I've had my fair share of unsuccessful dates. I'm in my early 20s and started dating around 19. I recently picked up a few books on dating and read all the tips and do's/don't of dating. As I was reading, I realized how many mistakes I had been making without even realizing it. I know this is an odd assumption, but can someone mess up their chances of being with the person (or persons) meant for them by making dating mistakes that they have not learned about or mastered yet? (I say mastered since dating is a skill to be practiced).I often beat myself up for messing it up on dates and committing faux pas, thinking to myself "What if this guy was for me? Because I lack dating skills so much, I blew my chances and lost him now..."Do you think the right person is put in your life when you're ill-prepared? Or do you think the right person will come into my life when I am in fact prepared? I just want to stop beating myself up....I look around and see so many people in relationships and blame myself for not knowing better Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 If the universe has a "Mr Right", you really think you being human and making a few minor "mistakes" on dates is going to steer him away for good? If it doesn't work out, you're not compatible and he's not your "Mr Right".
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): I think the key word is have confidence in yourself especially on the first date and remember that the guy wouldnt have asked you for a date if he hadnt liked you in the first place. Many girls blow their chance on the first date by acting foolish or being boring. Be clear from the start on what you like or dislike.Ofcourse, like everything else it is inevitable that you miss a few times in the begining before you gain confidence in yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): I second Honeypie. I also don't think that there's such a thing/person as a Mr Right. If you put two people that are more or less compatible,that respect themselves and each other and are willing to compromise to reach middle ground - these are the Right things that make a relationship (any relationship, not necessarily romantic!) work.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (27 October 2016):
 Yes, you can! Mr. Right can walk right past you when you have no dating experience. But youre in luck, you caught on early,and youre self reflective enough to know you need help. I dont agree with Honeypie on this one! PICK UP THE BOOKS! Read! Read! Read!
There are so many inexperienced, selfish, narcissistic young women on the dating scene now. And so many single young men who are the looking for the 'one'. Theyre not looking for the hot mean girls, not at all. Most good guys want a girl slightly nerdy and who 'gets' them. Pick up the books and read everything you can.
I am living testament of a horrible dater who was so inexperienced that I cringe thinking back on my first few dates. Part of me wants to go back and write to these and apologize. Because I know the good and best version of myself would have been selfless, understanding, and loving and ENGAGING. Thats how I am with family and friends.
Being introverted DOES not excuse poor manners. I was in your shoes and now Id say Im a fantastic dater. Meaning I have manners, I am polite but also honest, funny, grounded, and curious about the men I meet.
My advice is meet EVERYONE. Put yourself out there, BE CURIOUS. BE FUN. BE BEST VERSOIN OF YOURSELF.
I shift my focus to exploration and getting to know who they are by having great conversations. I take note of making sure I ask good questions. When I meet them, I go in for a hug. It helps people relax and open up. Let him talk!
Being a woman is a wonderful thing. Understand and give symptahy to those you meet. If you feel spark, go and explore it. If you had a great date but hes not the right guy, end it with integrity.
Be the woman a guy meets and he goes 'this girl gets me!' Regardless of how dates go, I cant say this enough. Have manners. Dont be the polite school teacher but be fun, smart, yourself (best version) and be good. Say thank you, no thanks, Hi, how are you----dating is all about making friends as well.
Good luck =) Super excited for your journey! =)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2016):
 You know, NO ONE is a dating expert at ANY age and while books on the subject can help people become better, but it's not like these (or any) books are the GOSPEL on dating. There is not just 1 right way to date. There is no right way to behave while ON dates.
So while you can spend ALL the time in the wWorld beating yourself up, it's not going to change the past and YOUR past behavior. So why do it? Why beat yourself up? It's pointless!
Look forward instead. Take some of the ideas from these books that YOU like and agree with and use them from now on, if you think that will make you a better partner.
I had NEVER dated anyone when I met my first BF at 19. And we still managed to be together for 4 1/2 years. I had read no books on dating, I had no experience and I wasn't even a very social person. So to follow your logic I shouldn't have made it work for 4 1/2 years as I had no books and probably committed a MASSIVE amount of faux passes.
You can't LOSE a guy that was NEVER yours. IF a guy likes you, likes your personality, the chemistry he is not going to go over some "dating book" checklist and discard you if you don't score high enough.
Relax, put the books away. Look at the guy you HAVE gone on dates with and maybe you will find that it WASN'T the "dating faux pass" that held them or you back, but the SIMPLE fact that you were not a good match. Or maybe you came off as desperate to date someone, anyone. And that, dear OP rarely gets you a second date.
Take some time to figure out what you'd like in a partner, what your standard is and THEN apply it to dating.
Figure out who YOU are. ENJOY being you. Do things you like you do, be around people you care about, positive people and learn to BE with you.
Stop beating yourself up and stop looking back over your shoulder - look forward.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 October 2016):
You're putting too much pressure on yourself. When you meet the real "Mr Right" it'll work out because things will fall into place. You should be looking for "Mr Right Now", if anything, or your eyes putting too much pressure on yourself.
You're young, you don't need to be experienced, just don't focus on it or you'll seem desperate. You can't find a decent guy if you're stressing yourself out about "needing" a boyfriend.
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