A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm caught in a dilema from messing with a married man.we both felled in love. Because of all the drama and opinions of what and how the relationship started it both played a part in both our situations which I believe ended it. He went back to his wife out of guilt and sorrow and also to be there for his son and I couldn't continue with the relationship because of guilt and shame. Every since he went back to her he's haven't been paying her any attention, he was just there physically but not mentually. His wife and friends notice how much he missed me and unhappy he was. His wife said if I really love him I will take him back and they will continue on with the divorce. But in my eyes I was wrong for messing with a married man jus because I was going tru something I still didn't have no right. i Believe and told him just give it time and he will fall back in love with his wife. I tried avoiding him from not seeing and answering his calls but he just can't handle me not being in his life. We actually started seeing one another again but this time its different from b4 because when he's with me he's missing her and when he's with her he's missing me. How can you be inlove with to people. Sometimes I feel like I'm his gataway from his wife. He says he loves me and want to be with me but than again he hurted his wife so much that he's torn between the both of us. I do believe he love me but I can't continue on with the hurt and shame I feel inside. Can u really be torn between two people. Wouldn't things be best for him to just stay with his wife and work things out instead of being with me even doe I'm pregnant with his child. He's a good man as far as being a good provider and a good father he's just a confused fuck up cheater. I'm accepted the fact that his with his wife but how do I deal with him still being in my life because of this child. He keep saying we are going to be together and moved back in with one another. He really have been looking at condos and houses and want me to move in with him but I just can't do it. I do love him but I'm so confused what am I'm supposed to do. I think he should just stay with her and just keep me out the picture.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I think both you and his wife should leave him. He is being unfair to both of you he does not deserve either of you, let alone to have BOTH of you.
you said "when he's with me he's missing her and when he's with her he's missing me. "
He says he loves you. His wife even told you that you can have him. And yet he doesn't go through with his divorce instead he stays with her out of guilt (if I were the wife I would be so insulted) while continuing to string you along with talk of living together. What the hell. Don't you find this wishy-washy behavior a turn off?? It would make me lose respect for him.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 He loves his wife but not in love with her. He is in love with you but doesn't love you yet. That's the difference. He still doesn't know if he could work things out with his wife, whether his wife would forgive him. He still doesn't know if you and him are meant to be. I think you are wise by not wanting to move in with him. You will just fall deeper before you can know if you can stand each other in the long run. Time can only tell. You are not supposed to do anything but just be a passive bystander of this drama. If he doesn't divorce his wife within one year then you really don't have anything to do but just enjoy your baby. You should ask for alone time so he can make a decision not out of guilt or shame, but for a peace of mind. But first he needs to forgive himself so he can move on to the next stage of his life.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Sometimes I feel like I'm his gataway from his wife.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Well this is a hard situation and it really is your choice here what you want to do as you know already you have to options:
One, you tell him to stay with his wife and you be a single mother, but you will still need to share custody with him over the child and therefore you are going to have to still see him unless you have someone you trust that cann drop the baby over to his and collect the baby again so that you dont need to see him.
or
Two, he leaves his wife and moves in with you, its possible that you can have a happy little family, but you need to be sure you trust him before doing this and also you need to be sure you can handle the fact that he will still be in contact with his wife as he will want to be in his sons life.
Its hard for me to judge someone but i do believe it can be possible to be in love with two different women, but he should never have cheated on his wife to let him be in this position. He needs to make up his mind now who he loves more as its not fair on both you and his wife.
Whatever the outcome goodluck in the future.
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