A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am confused.I know this girl who I have feelings for. But she has no emotional connection to me. She is not interested in dating me.A friend of mine and I saw the movie Cinema Paradisio, where the main character sits under the window of a girl for 100 days and 100 nights. Eventually, on the 100th night, the girl came down and went with him.It made me wonder. Can a girl's heart be won?What if I invest enough time, enough creativity, enough attention?(I should add that I do not have much money so spending a lot on her is not really an option.)So is her heart closed forever to me or by dint of effort and devotion can I wear her down?Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): That was a movie, it's not real life. In movies that kind of behavior is considered romantic. In real life, it's considered creepy.In real life the woman would probably have called the police and had the man arrested for being a stalker.A less confrontational woman might indeed get "worn down" by your unrelenting attention, but she would just be doing it out of pity or out of frustration to make you leave her alone.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2012):
 No, I don't think you can "make" anyone love you. Free will and all :)
Now in a movie sitting under a girls window might be sweet and romantic, but in real life, well someone might think of it as a little creepy and stalkerish.
Maybe you need to realize when it comes to this ONE girl and a relationship, it's dud.
I would stop wasting time and energy on trying to make something happen, instead maybe go out meet some new people who knows could be you ran into someone who saw you for the good guy you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): I do think you can increase a bond but I'm not sure about love, it has already been said that you can't make somebody love and I agree with this. She may just grow that bit more fonder of you for all your efforts, but I don't think you could call it love.
Look at it this way relationships should be 50/50 and she would be less invested in the relationship than you would be. I guarantee you would get tied of fighting for the two of you ALL the time. Then all sorts of issues could arise with trust down the road because you would wonder whether she was truly happy with you. You could end up feeling insecure or hurt.
If somebody does not reciprocate your feelings it's always best to move on. There are plenty of people out there that would so why settle for anything less?!
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2012):
 I once asked if Love Begats love because what happened to me was that I was with my now fiance and I fell for him (slightly) before he fell for me... so I wondered if he fell for me BECAUSE I loved him...
the truth is you can't make someone love you unless they are predisposed to feeling that way about you on their own...
do you really want to be with a woman you have to "wear down" to make her love you?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 When you put two people together for a long enough period of time feelings are bond to arise. However they can be feelings of hate as much as love.
The best way to go about this is to NOT get fixated on one specific girl. I mean even if you make her love you, how can you be so sure you'll love her? Instead, be the best you can be, and let the ones who love you come to you.
If this girl you have feelings for have no emotional connection to you, then I am guessing you and her do not know each other, or are only associates. By this, you do not know her either, and your feelings for her are based purely on your eagerness to have someone to love. Your heart is so ready to love someone that you picked out this girl, not because you love HER, but because you think you could love her, and because you want to love SOMEONE.
Open up your heart for others to love, and then let the ones who loves you come to you.
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A
female
reader, Jesslirai +, writes (26 April 2012):
 I'm going to be very honest with you, it is very sweet that you are willing to do almost anything to win over this girls heart. But you might be living in movie-ville where a lot of things happen in movies, that don't actually happen in real life. How do you know that this girl doesn't have feelings for you? i'm assuming you have talked to her about your feelings? But if you haven't yet, sit her down and talk to her. If she denies having any feeling at all maybe you can try to ask her, "what can i do to win your love?" and if her reply is unclear or she appears to be pissed off by the question- its a No-Go. but if she smiles and seems to be intrigued, i'd say go for it. I cant really give you any creative ideas as for what you could do. But, i suggest to you find ideas off of the internet. Every woman is different and i give advice from my perspective and how i might feel or react to this situation. But who knows maybe shes different and will fall for you, the best way to find out is by working on it. But i would like to warn you not to go overboard. If you sit outside her window for 100 days and 100 nights, you might end up getting a restraining order sent you way especially if she doesnt want you to be there. Be careful how you do things and if she tells you to stop at anytime you have to stop to avoid getting in trouble. And just a thought- Is this girl really worth all of your time and devotion? or would you rather spend all this time and energy on an investment that is actually going to give back? is there a girl out there that can devote to you like you want to devote to her? probably things you might want to think about before you throw yourself completely out there. cuz doing the work to earn her heart is hard enough, are you going to be able to handle the let-down on top of that? (if a let down happens)these are things you might want to figure out first before you make the move. Good luck to you! I know its hard when you feel like you love someone SO much. But, believe me with a heart of gold like yours there is hope for you, and if she isnt the "one" there is someone out there who will appreciate your ambition and drive to make something work.
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