A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can you love and like someone but not be suited?I know this is long-winded but it's really bugging me and I can't get my head around this. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 mths now. We both love and like each other very much. We haven't had any rows or any major differences of opinions or views that has caused a problem for our relationship. He's working class and I'm middle class and he tends to think that the different classes should stick to their own which is ironic as he's doing the opposite to what he believes. Class has no importance to me as a person is a person at the end of the day. Our sticking point is when we chat at times more than most he hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about. I'm not trying to be arrogant or show off I just chat about what takes my interest which is usually psychology as I have an interest in the mind, oh I'll chat about anything. He says I use words that loose him. I then try my hardest to find more simpler words that he can relate to. (I know how this now sounds but I genuinely don't want him to feel uncomfortable so I try my hardest to think about what I'm going to say before I say it so he won't feel uncomfortable with me). He says I make him feel like a subordinate, like I'm better than him. Yet he says he knows I wouldn't do it on purpose, which I certainly don't as it's not in my heart. I care about people and how I make them feel. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable as I love him very much. Were a stuck and can't find a concrete reason to break up as we like to stay together if possible. Can a relationship like this work if you try to change certain behaviors within yourself so to make your partner feel more comfortable and loved or are some couples even though they like and love each other not suited and can't make it work because of their mannerisms and idiosyncrasies? Thank you very much for your answers x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to sammi star and anonymous, I like what you have to say. Thank you idoneitagain, you say "Relationships are not defined by the problems you have. All relationships have problems.They are defined by how you deal with them, by the ways you try to overcome them". I like this philosophy.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (16 September 2011):
Relationships are not defined by the problems you have. All relationships have problems. They are defined by how you deal with them, by the ways you try to overcome them. At the moment you are struggling with communcation, but your hearts are in the right place. Communication styles can be learned over time, you are still learning about one another. This is something that can be overcome, or it could break you up, it just depends on if you are able to work together to find a path of understanding.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): At 5 months you are still in the early stages of getting to know one another. With no major fights or disagreements yet, it means the relationship has not been tested and both people are still presenting their best selves, not their real selves.
I don't know many men who are interested in psychology or men who find that fun to discuss. I would stick to the things you have in common and know that's it's okay to have your own separate interests and those aren't a threat. That way, no one has to change to be what the other wants because that never works. Talking about everything is typically not very fun for a man and they start to tune out anyway you'll find.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Your question certainly made me think. It must be the case that there are some people who love each other very much but just aren't compatible, but I think you and your partner clearly care about each other a great deal. As you said, there have been no major disagreements or arguments between the two of you so I don't see why you can't work through these problems.
I'm not sure that changing yourself is the right answer. I can see why you do, but you can't talk and behave in a different way for the rest of your life. I think time will help a lot. As you become even more comfortable together he won't be afraid to ask what you mean when he doesn't understand the words you are using. Find a hobby together, a common interest. Learn together. It will give you new things to discuss and experience and bring you closer as a couple.
The most important thing is that you've both agreed you don't want to end things. That makes it worth fighting for, even if it seems hard work to begin with.
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