| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my ex little over two months ago. Things were complicated between us because of jealousy. His jealousy. It was too much. We told each other many hurtful things in the relationship, and sadly, we got into a circle of breaking up and making up. So when I finally told him I'd had it, it was hard for him to understand.I still love him very much, as does he. But we just don't trust each other, and so much damage has been done, that I think even though we could be together, well, there's just too much negative baggage between us. We still talk. It's hard for us to break contact. He thinks I'm the love of his life, and says he wants to be with me forever. I, on the other hand, know that it was a very difficult relationship. I mean, he was quite controlling, even abusive at times. I love him, but I don't want to get back together with him.But then again, I feel like I will never be able to love again. I do truly love him. Can you actually get over someone who was such a huge part of your life? Your first true love? The one that you saw yourself with, forever?I feel like I want to be alone forever after this. Yes, he screwed up. Yes, he was very cruel. But I will never find someone like him again. Somehow, it feels more natural to go on alone, than to be with someone else, because it feels unnatural to fall for someone else again. It feels impossible.I met a guy, who, if I weren't still in love with my ex, I'd probably date. He's shown interest in me. But I feel so bad, because, despite this guy being so great, and even though I've considered dating him casually, I just can't. It doesn't feel natural.How can I get over him? I feel I truly loved him. I gave my everything in this love. Can you honestly love someone else after having had such strong feelings for someone?
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broke up, get back together, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 818LUV  +, writes (1 November 2010):
Maybe
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I think once you meet someone else who treats you really well you will realize (even more) how unhealthy your relationship was with your ex and you'll feel stronger without him bringing you down. However if you continue to maintain frequent contact with him you will be unable to focus on anyone new and it will get in the way of you ever moving on. I suggest you start gradually contacting him less and less so you can clear your mind and think about someone new. You may date a few guys that feel meaningless, but the idea is to clear the slate so you will be open for the one who does make a difference. Healthy relationships are based on respect and not just explosive passion. You and your ex had the latter but it is usually somewhat destructive. Once you recognize this, you'll be won't fall into that trap again.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 1) I think you should go for a period of no contact, say six months. It will be very hard to get over him as long as he's right there. Down the line you can be friends again but right now space and time will help you the most.
2) You certainly can love again. It will take time and energy, so it won't happen overnight, but it can happen.
Good luck.
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