A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this girl for about a year and 2 months now.I did some hurtful things to her. I cheated around 3 times but came clean about it. She always forgave me.I had been emotionally unstable from my childhood and previous relationships. Also I had been going through a lot and I didn't really give a care about life back then.Anyhow we broke up toward the end of last year b/c I had been emotionally cheating with my first.In march I realized that I had been foolish and I won her back and since we got back together she has been acting funny and she has been lying to me. I'm so confused on how I should feel b/c of the things I've done in the past. Sometimes I almost feel as if I deserve this. She isn't the same girl anymore and I can't blame her b/c I was an ass to her. Ultimately I just want her to be happy and to be happy. She apologized for lying but now it's all I think about, not to mention I feel her friends have been conspiring with her b/c they're all friends (her friends and the girl she lied about). Anyhow she swears I'm everything to her and that she's willing to do anything to make it work all this and we've only been back together a month. Is this worth it? Or is this relationship out the door?She constantly uses the past against me and I can't get over her lying to me about someone who she claims means nothing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JoeM  +, writes (15 May 2010):
hi there, when it comes to cheating it very hard to win trust back. Maybe if you only do it once, you might win trust back as she will put it down to a silly mistake... but do it more than once and she will find it very hard to trust you...Maybe after a few years of commitment she will completely trust you, but it wont happen in months.if the two of you are getting on well and the relationship is good, it is worth fighting for. But you will have to play out the test of time for her to realize that you have truly changed your ways and for her to completely trust you again.Unfortunately trust issues can wear down the relationship if you let them. And the worst thing you can do is keep bringing the trust issue up... just don't talk about it and don't be making too much of an effort to prove your fidelity. The only way the relationship can survive is if you accept that its going to take time to win that trust back.In the meantime all you can do is enjoy the relationship for what is hope trust will come back in time.But in the end if you both cant get past the trust issue and it keeps coming up in arguments... well then the relationship cant survive
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