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anonymous
writes: I am just curious as to whether or not people in general think that a cheating partner can be forgiven. If so, do you think that they are most likely going to do it again? Just wondering about what people thought of this kind of stuff. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): if you get cheated on there is always a time to forgive if they admit and say they are sorry. but ya dont have to date them again. if ya want to that's cool but if ya dont then dont. just be friends or watever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): I got cheated on but forgave as i believe we can all mistakes but learn from them. It happened a few more times. So if they think you will forgive they are likely to do it again. They also make the selfish choice to cheat so they don't think much of you in the first place. If it happens more than once then move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2006): Well, I wrote in this colum a year ago when my boyfriend cheated on me for the second time. I was advised by everyone who replied to leave. I decided to stay and by November, he cheated again. Then in May he cheated again and just two weeks ago in July, he cheated again. This is a man I really believed loved and care for me. Except for his cheating all other aspects of our lives seemed perfect - family, school, work. Now we have problems. I do not trust him, do not see him as the same person. It is complicated. We have been together for 4 years and I have never cheated on him, I have never gotten close to anyone else, kissed anyone, hugged any one in a passionate way. I have been completely faithful. Right now, I view men differently - after examining the relationship between my parents where my father lies and cheats and my mother remains faithful, after having friends whose husbands or boyfriends have cheated on them, after being in a relationship where I am repeatedly cheated on and told that it meant nothing and it will never happen again, I would advise anyone that if you are in a relationship and your partner cheats (whether male or female) GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! If you stay it gets harder to leave every time.
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (5 August 2006):
 I've always thought cheating is a bit like killing... its easier the more you do it:-P (I'm on zero for both :-D) Seems to make a lot of sense there. Someone who cheats once might be forgiven but more than that, then probably not a trustworthy person.Personally, even once is too much cos I doubt I'd trust them ever again (I have trust problems!). I think once they've cheated, they'll either get a habit of doing it, or they'll feel so bad they'll never do it again. But either way, I couldn't forgive or forget...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): Your question is a good one. Staying with your partner does not necessarily imply that there has been or will be forgiveness after cheating behaviour. I think forgiveness is based on a lot of things: seeing earnest regret, understanding how it happened, understanding that it will never happen again, compassion, respect, fear of loss, etc. Forgiveness is important after cheating, if it doesn't happen then I would strongly suggest that people do not stay together... you will only end up hating one another... or like my parents you will become shells of your former selves... one seeking solace in the bottle and the other crushed by depression. They should not be together as there was no forgiveness.
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female
reader, immuno +, writes (5 August 2006):
 Hello, everyones advice is really good. It does depend on the person who has been cheated on and also how the cheater behaves after. I personally am a very insecure person and I do not think I could forgive because I would never forget. This is mostly because my partner and I have never been with anyone else and we have been married for 20 years. I wish you the best :)
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (5 August 2006):
 It very much depends what caused them to look elsewhere in the first place - or whether it was a one-night stand, or a romatic affair which involved a lot of lies told and a lot of time stolen from the spouse/family. Also whether money has been spent on the 'other one', which meant the spouse/children have had to go without. Usually people's knee-jerk reaction is "a leopard never changes its' spots, once a cheat, always a cheat" - but it is too easy, if you have been badly done to, to have that opinion. I have been through it on both sides - once I cheated for the 1st time ever, as I was at the dying end of a 30+yr marriage which was, for the most part, unhappy, and we had not had any intimate contact for 8 months. I had simply fallen out of love, and was lonely and unhappy.
I was also cheated on, I beleive, (not 100per cent proven) - but I think it was down to a mid-life crisis on my man's part.
Not that I am saying there is any easy answer, nothing is cut and dried, but it does depend on how much in love you really are, how strong as a person you are, and how much you stand to lose should you decide to 'end it'.
Personally speaking, I tend towards the ("--- strikes and you're out") - insert number of choice! - but it is so personal; sometimes there is simply too much at stake, i.e. children, or perhaps you consider that the cheating partner is sufficiently repentant, and gives you their word it will not happen again, so all these kind of things must be taken into consideration. A tricky one, I reckon, we are not all the same...
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (5 August 2006):
 I don't think someone who can cheat loves, respects or even really cares about the person they are supposedly with. I would never forgive a cheat because they will do it again if they get away with it once. You're worth more than that and can get better, someone who treats you right.
Even if they never did do it again, once the trust is gone in a relationship, there isn't really much left. It really is so important that you trust each other or the relationship will end up a complete disaster! Arguments, fighting, not good.
So that's what I think!! If the person being cheated on has an self respect whatsoever, they will chuck em and move on. Once a cheat, always a cheat, I say.
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