A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend left me because i did not come home, and she thought i was cheating on her. I have cheated on her in the past and she found out but we worked through it. Is there the chance i can prove to her that i have changed , or have i caused too much harm? Can you believe an ex-cheater when says he has changed? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): OP here-
The relationship was on the cusp of 5 years. The reason i did not come home was my attempt to childishly to reciprocate the feeling that i had when she would not contact me on her own behalf, only to come home late at night, or early in the morning. I was close by, waiting for a phone call, as i would so often have to do to get a hold of her. She never called, and the next week she was out of our apartment that we shared for 2 years. Being a slave to the human logic, i did not see the value of what i had in the relationship now that it was over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): "Can you believe an ex-cheater when says he has changed?"
Sorry but no. I wouldn't believe that for one second. I wouldn't even date a girl I know has cheated on someone else. Even if it was once, they were crazy drunk or any other excuse.
There are enough people out that have never cheated for me never to increase the risk of it happening by doing that.
If my girlfriend cheated on me, she'd be gone the instant I found out and I would never look back.
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A
male
reader, Captain Ziggy +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Did you bother to call her when you knew you wouldn't be home? She obviously has an issue trusting you, and for good reason apparently. It's your responsibility to build that trust back up to a level where shes comfortable. If you want the girl then you're going to have to do some serious work. If she is able, then she will forgive and trust you again. However you need to know that its going to take some tiiimmmee, more than a few months for sure, maybe even a couple years. If you're willing to commit to putting in the time, to being honest with her, acknowledging her feelings, and avoiding behavior thats going to upset her, then she will eventually accept you. But like I said, you need to commit; so you cant slip up on it. If after 6 months, things are going well and shes regaining trust in you, don't take this as an indication to stay out all night again, thats just going to send her backwards, and any work you've put in during those 6 months will be wasted. Gotta do your work man. But having said that, you've certainly got your work cut out for you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I beleived a cheater, who promised never again, I got the whole blah blah blah so sorry you are so important to me blah blah blah thing .... he cheated again, I packed up my three kids, two cats and one dog and left. He then cheated me out of my share of the assets .... I raised my kids as a single mother, worked hard to provide, he and his new lady lived in the lap of luxury, guess what, she ripped him off for thousands and thousands of dollars, in the meantime I managed to retrain, got my kids educated, had lots of jobs to fit in with schools and my kids needs, and today I am the one who has a good relationship with the kids and the grandchildren, I have a good job supporting myself and able to travel and live a good life and he is a lonely boring old fart! Does that answer your question?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (22 February 2011):
I beleived a cheater, who promised never again, I got the whole blah blah blah so sorry you are so important to me blah blah blah thing .... he cheated again, I packed up my three kids, two cats and one dog and left. He then cheated me out of my share of the assets .... I raised my kids as a single mother, worked hard to provide, he and his new lady lived in the lap of luxury, guess what, she ripped him off for thousands and thousands of dollars, in the meantime I managed to retrain, got my kids educated, had lots of jobs to fit in with schools and my kids needs, and today I am the one who has a good relationship with the kids and the grandchildren, I have a good job supporting myself and able to travel and live a good life and he is a lonely boring old fart! Does that answer your question?
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (22 February 2011):
Unless the cheating was due to a revenge for a cheating of the other partner. Or something like that, I think a cheater will always be a cheater.
Put it the other way around. If you cheated once in your life out of anger, and do really regret that, I think won't do it again. But if you cheated because "you felt lonely", "you felt insecure", "you couldn't resist the temptation" and whichever excuse you may like, you will always be a cheater.
When a real cheater tell him/her has changed is out of the need of being forgiven. But will cheat again.
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