A
female
age
36-40,
*onkiegurl
writes:Nothing's stranger than breaking up with someone you've known for a long time. Why is it that your new partner has issues with you still being friends with an ex? see someone every day and then suddenly stop all contact... it's unnatural.i have been in a long distance realtionship for 2 years and now he is home for good as of 2 months ago... but he never really had a issue (or that he admnited)of me being friends with my ex until he came home. i knew he it iratated him every now and then before but he never told me i had to stop being friends.it's not like i go spend time with my ex we just once in awhile talk on the phone catch up with life just to see how things are make sure we're "still alive" LOL... but now whenever my ex calls it seems to become a bit of an argueement.... JUST LIKE i guess how i explained how i felt in my last question about "how his dad calls too much..." - i feel its not the same thing though because my ex doesnt call EVERYDAY like his dad does...What do i do??? i'm not quite ready to actually close the doors with my ex but i also dont want to end this realtionship!!!So To The question of whether you can remain friends with an ex after breaking up is a good one. Can it be done? Or are you doomed to failure the moment you try to stay friends and carry a new love relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): I agree with caring guy. It's nice to imagine you can be just friends with an ex but it's human of us to remember the good things. If you laugh, and catch up with your ex you are remembering good times you had with him.
I'm sure some of those remember when we did this or that, have come up and that's not fair to your current bf. He's not doing it to you or putting you through that.
The whole point of being in a relationship is getting to know the person. And if it gets serious it's putting aside all others inthe persuit of falling in love or getting married. And talking to an ex is not putting aside all others.
In your guys head he is thinking.."here's this guy who has been sexually intimate with my girl talking to her knowing I'm there." trust me, whether you ex admits it or not he gets a kick out of knowing you will still be there whenever he calls.
It makes your current bf feel unappreciated and second place. Especially if he asks you to stop and you say no. In his eyes it makes your ex more important than him. And if you are arguing with your bf about still being able to talk to your ex then maybe your ex is more important to you.
What's more important? Your bf's feelings or you talking with a guy who isn't right for you? You broke up for a reason.
My girlfriend kept in contact with her ex and promised me left and right it was just innocent. I have no doubt in her mind it was. It was always an argument when he would call for the same reasons. She stopped telling me because she just didn't want to fight about it.
I found out and it made me not trust her. In the end she met with him for lunch without me knowing and te guy tried to kiss her. She said no but admitted to her best friend she almost let him. He apologized and said they were getting along so great remembering old times he just did it.
And he had a gf too. In my eyes what is unnatural is for a woman to care more about an ex than her bf. What's unnatural is for you to be fighting so hard to keep contact with him at the cost of it hurting your bf.
Wouldn't you want him to stop? Wouldn't you want your bf to do whatever was necessary to stop something from hurting you?
It's not like he's asking you to stop talking to family. Is it that important to you?
Sorry, just a sore issue with me. I broke up with my gf when I found out she did that. She begged and pleaded for 6 months for me to take her back and I finally did. Now we are engaged but only because she finally gave herself completely to me.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 January 2010):
Not really. Imagine if the table were turned and he was getting calls and having lots of fun with his ex. You wouldn't be happy, you'd feel threatened, and that's how he feels about this. Every time you get on the phone to your ex, speak with him, see him, it's a reminder t your boyfriend that you loved that other guy and that you might end up going back to him. How many times have you heard of women and men all going back to ex's? Lots. I left my ex's all in the past by stopping contact. I've never had a problem since. My friend didn't, and his girlfriend left because he wouldn't move on. You will have to make a choice. Boyfriend or ex. Because at some point it will come to that. And if you choose your ex, remember that your next boyfriend will probably feel the same too.
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