A
female
age
51-59,
*at1201
writes:I have a massive prob which I really need help with please, please, please.Ok - this is long so I apologise. My marriage is ending cos of various reasons - but about 2 months ago, I got back in touch with an old friend who I haven't spoken to for 20 years - when we were 17/18 we always used to end up together at the end of the night and it was common knowledge.Anyway, we got chatting on Facebook and then that led to texts, and then phone calls and things got very intense, very quickly and we both said that spark was still there after all these years. So we arranged that I would go down to see him for a few days - partly cos I needed space away from home and also to see him.The first couple of days were great - and we were getting on brilliantly and then we went out for a night out with one of my friends and one of his. There was a silly joke whereby I gave his friend a peck on the cheek and he got unbelievably jealous. When I confronted him about it, he then turned round and said, there was no spark there. However, for the rest of the time I was staying with him, we still slept together!! He kept saying he wasn't bothered all the time about what happened with his friend, which led me to believe he WAS bothered, cos otherwise why would he keep sayin he weren't?Anyway, we then had this massive, chat in which we decided that as I was just coming out of my marriage, and he was only just out of a long term relationship, it wasn't the best time for either of us to jump straight into another - and we would rather be friends as we did get on pretty well.Since I've been home, obviously the text messages have eased off and I have only spoken to him about 3 times on the phone. The last time we spoke, I said I needed to get away and he invited me down for a laugh on the Singstar - as friends. So I agreed and I am going on Friday (this Friday). Then we got chatting about having a few beers - and he said, 'you know what happens when we have a drink together don't you', and is convinced it IS gonna happen this week too. I'm torn between wanting it to happen, but not wanting to be the one to make the first move.Then i didn't text him for 2 days and the next night, he buzzed me on Facebook and we ended up chattin for 3 hours online! about absolute rubbish, but then we always did!My friend knows the whole story, and thinks that him saying there's no spark there is rubbish, and she thinks he still has feelings for me, 'cos otherwise, he would make an excuse not to see me again and would not text me or buzz me on FB just to talk rubbish!!Anyway, my dilemma is that I am a bit apprehensive now about seeing him on Friday and don't want it to be awkward for either of us. Is it possible for us to just be friends, or do you think that with our history, it's never going to be like that for us??? He lived 250 miles away, so it's not like he's round the corner is it?I DO really like him and don't want to lose him as a friend because we do have a laugh together, but then I also feel that we need to spend a bit of time getting to know each other again - as it's been so long and things went way too fast a few weeks ago. Do you think something can grow out of this if we both take a step back?Anyway advice would be fab. Thanks. Sorry for the length!! lol
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
Friends after sex never works, so don't do it. You've just come out of a marriage, so give yourself time to get over that. By his reactions, I'd say that he was not the safest bet anyway. There are other men out there. Don't get trapped. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Don't do it-- I didn't believe these words myself when everyone kept telling me "don't do it". I did it 3 times-- now we are no longer friends-- I am still in a loveless marriage, and I still miss my friend and also the sex we had. It just isn't worth it. I think it is either friends or lovers, but can't have both-- and many times once you have sex you land up with neither.
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