A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My BF who I love dearly is experienced (he`s had three other partners, one of which was a virgin) and I`m a virgin. Well... a virgin as far as never had a MAN penetrate me. I`ve participated in oral sex before and I also masturbate often. I lied to my BF though and told him I wasn`t a virgin and that I lost my virginity to my ex. (I only had oral with my ex) I absolutely cannot tell him I`m a virgin not because he`ll hate me for it and push me away, but because I lied to him and it`ll hurt him. So, I`m wondering... could we have sex without him knowing? My hymen is broken and I can masturbate with four fingers without any pain. My ex also fingered me with four fingers and it felt really good. I`m worried though because when I tried to masturbate with a hairspray bottle before, it hurt so bad and I couldn`t get it in very far. Will that be what it is like with his penis? Help!
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hymen, lost my virginity, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Wait a second here... how OLD are you? You SHOULD be a virgin!
Sex will hurt and you may have some bleeding. My first time hurt a lot and I asked the person to stop. I bled. Then I did it a second time much later on and with someone else. I bled again.
I would tell him. He would appreciate it more if you came to him with the truth instead of finding out you tried to pull one over on him.
If you don't think he'll understand, should you be having sex with him in the first place?
Do not get yourself into a pattern in life where you lie. Start getting comfortable with telling the truth, even if it is difficult. Trust me - life will be a lot easier because of it.
A
female
reader, chele  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 hey listen toots i was the same as you on my 1st go (i think all grls r lol) the trick is to relax makesure you are with the right person i know everyone says this but trust me u need the guy t b able to turn you on and belive me we all been there with the hairspray can lol make sure your well wet downstairs make sure he plays a lil not hust bang bang and you can now get condoms with extra lubrication on them to help the situation but as long as you are wet it shouldnt hurt u and do it with your boyfriend no1 else hunni cos thats just silly xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): PS I'd had sex only a few times before my last partner, and he said he freaked out thinking I'd lied and I was a virgin because it was really hard to do and was hurting me a fair bit. So (unless you've told him otherwise already) you could say you've only tried it once or twice with your ex and so you're still pretty inexperienced and maybe he should go slow. But once again - it's not very good to be basing things on a lie like that!
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 How about just being honest?
The worst thing that you can do in a relationship & life in general is present yourself as a false person. If you can lie about just something as simple as being a virgin, then what other things can you lie to this guy & others about yourself? You say that you "love" this person, well sweetheart real love doesn't lie & you shouldn't have to lie. It's not a good look & it's a very bad thing that you are starting your relationship off with being deceitful. I apologize if I may sound harsh, but truth is truth & even at your young age there isn't excuses for dishonesty. You can try to hide your virginity all you want, but if you don't have the experience & can't show that you have the experience, then he will doubt that you really are experienced. You won't be able to live with your lie for long because of guilt & believe me, you will feel guilty sooner or later. Honesty is indeed the best policy...please be honest. It's better that he knows the truth now & has a chance to forgive you, then to find out later and become bitter toward you. Do the right thing, you are young , you have a long life to live and there will be greater opportunity to fall in love with when you are honest about it.
Since you will do what you want anyway, make sure you protect yourself: use condoms & other contraceptives, you are not exempt from contracting viruses or becoming pregnant. So be safe about it, don't become another statistic.
Honest is the best policy.
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): 4 fingers is pretty thick - I think you should be fine! He'll probably just think you're really tight. Have you tried a vibrator? That would be good to do beforehand. Honestly though - wouldn't it be better to tell him? Just say you were embarrassed to tell him or something, so that he will understand why you lied about it.
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