A
male
age
51-59,
*wmarinello
writes:I am a 39 year old divorcee. In May this year I met and fell in love with the most wonderful woman of 32. We had so much in common and spent a lot of time together. We travelled a lot and were making plans to move in before Christmas. She built a great relationship with my daughter and I can honestly say that I have never loved anyone or felt so loved in my life. She felt exactly the same way. During September things started to get a bit strained, I was on medication for dizzy spells and I was becoming quite irritable. I explained this to her and she was shocked that I hadn't told her about the medication. Anyway, we spent a disastrous weekend in France towards the end of September where I was seriously thinking about leaving her but I decided I needed to work through it. When we got back, at the beginning of October she politely left me saying we should be friends for a while. By the 10th (6 days later) we were dating again and she was very happy with how I had worked on my problems. Much to me surprise she tried to cut contact with me on three days later through removing me from her MSN. I realised that she had started dating other men around this time. A day later I was back in contact again! We remained in contact and saw each other a couple of times until her birthday and she was sending my texts telling me how much she missed me since we were not meeting as often as we had previously. We made plans for her birthday on the 26th October which she suddenly cancelled sending me a text which asked me not to contact her again as she was "confused". I found it very difficult to cope with this latest rejection and could only wait a week until I contacted her. Again,we continued contact but only online. She explained to me that she had seen a therapist who had made her realise that she had commitment issues. Our relationship, at 5 months, had been the longest she had had. She regretted this but still, for some reason, couldn't start working on reconciliation since I had "destroyed her love" for me. Meanwhile she was dating about three guys a week but complained to me that she couldn't find the "connection" she had with me and moreover couldn't stop talking about our relationship on her dates. We started to discuss friendship and she was very adamant that we had to "get each other out of our systems" before we entered that phase. Jump forward to the end of November and she cut all contact with me again. This is the last I have heard from her and I know that she has been dating the same guy for a month now. My question is really, given my deep love for her and given the fact that she did love me but could not make a commitment, is there anything I can do about trying to renew our bonds. I was thinking of sending some New Year greetings but couldn't face the possibility of her not reciprocating
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male
reader, Kepi +, writes (19 January 2009):
 I think what we have to accept here is that this will be a continuous cycle in your relatinship with her if she did respond. I can understand your pain as I have and am going thru a similar situation.
It takes courage and strength to accept that you have lost something that was/is very special to you, but until you do this you will be putting yourself throught the emotional wringer on a daily basis.
Accept the relationship for what it was, a short lived but enjoyable experience, get on with your own life and concentrate on enjoying yourself. Possibility is that she will come back to you at some stage, but you need to ask yourself the quesiton 'do I want to go through this again'
Its not easy, see my question, I am still hoping that my 'ex' will come back this week and tell me that she wants to stay with me, but honestly, listen the the rational little voice in your head that says move on, enjoy life, you are bound to find someone else, we all do in the end.
And also, think of your daughter, is it right for her to have this woman bouncing in and out of your life on a whim? I am sure it is confusing for her, and I am sure she doesn't like to see her dad feeling this way..... good luck mate
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