A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Can two opposites in a relationship really work? Me and my bf are so different. Hes 25, im 20. He likes to go out partying, drinking all the time(every night of the week, he doesnt have one alcohol free day a week), where as i rarely drink at all. Hes very loud and out going, and im more quiet natured and can be shy around people i havent known for long. Im interested in reading and music and arts and hes interested in sports and cars. We do have some common interests though.I like him for who he is, i find him interesting and i actually admire him, he has alot of qualities which i look up to and wish i myself sometimes had. so i dont want to change him and never would try. however sometimes i feel like he cant accept me for who i am. he wants me to be more loud and outgoing etc, but thats just now in my nature, i cant be like that and to be honest, i dont want to be like that. i like being who i am. although i would like to be a bit more confident and less shy- but thats an issue i have to deal with myself, and in my own time. Our morals and values differ a bit too. I believe sex is special and should be saved for a committed and long term relationship (not marriage, but i think there should be some sign of a serious commitment first). Where as he has a history of sleeping with girls hes only just met and sees sex as just sex, nothing more. I want to wait and although at first he said he wouldnt wait, he changed his mind pretty quickly when i told him that was a deal breaker and i wouldnt change what i believe in. So he said he would wait and he has so far...but part of me is always worried that hes going to have a time limit on how long hes prepared to wait. and i dont want to have sex with someone who just sees it as sex. i want it to mean more. otherwise ill feel used. I just am having trouble seeing this relationship work. he expects me to change alot about who i am, when i talk ot him about this he denies it and says he likes me for me and owuld never want to change me.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 In my experience opposites dont work. They do at first, because you love all the new things that person brings into your life. But later down the line, you realise that you both have totally different views on life and relationships, and neither of you are willing to compromise because you dont want to change who you are for another person.
My most recent ex was a complete opposite - opposite tastes in everything, opposite personalities and opposite values. At first it was wonderful and I loved all the new things he introduced me to, and we got on so well. But later down the line when things got more serious, we realised that we had absolutely nothing in common and we disagreed over every major thing, from who should carry the shopping bags to money issues. In the end we brought out the worst in each other because we were so different and couldnt handle those differences, and the relationship ended pretty badly.
I will never ever go out with another guy who is different to me, in the future any man I meet will have to share many of my values and interests before the relationship could go any further.
It is entirely up to you whether you want to give this guy a chance and see where it goes - your experience may be entirely different to mine and the whole opposites thing might work for you two. But if you have serious doubts, and if he expects you to change (no-one should have to change who they are for someone else) then maybe this isnt the right guy for you. Trust your gut instinct on this one - if you feel deep down that this isnt working then maybe it is time to move on. If you feel deep down that you should give him a chance and that you think it could go somewhere then there is no harm in trying. Just go with your instincts, they are normally right!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): i think you should get a pen and paper and write the question out you just wrote on here and show him it and say that is how you feel/ it may help him realise you don't want to change!
if not u cud break up with him and join a dating site like datingdirect.com(as seen on tv!HAHA!!)
becuas rht eoog thing bout dating sites is you're meeting someone similar to yuo and someone that wants you to be there!!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 Opposites can work but I think there has to be some common ground somewhere, especially when it comes to values. Also, I don't think it's a good sign when one wants to change so much about the other.
You're only 20 though, so take the relationship for what it is and enjoy it. Dating several people can clarify ideas of what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): OF course opposites can work its about what you are prepared to put in and if you prepared to work together,if you cant be bothered and give up then it is guaranteed to fail nobody said relationships were plain sailing
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