A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am with my bf for nearly 2 years now - we have a beautiful son together who is nearly 1 years old - our relationship has in the past been v rocky and not as stable as both of us would like it to be..we have though gotten much better with time. He has been married twice before and is divorced. I have never been married. I am worried he is wasting my time as he never offered me marriage etc before I had the baby. He told me it was a 'fleeting thought.' I can't help but feel a slight bit resentful and have told him so. When I was pregnant and before he moved in he told me he wanted to formalise us but I have to come to know that this was probably just a line he fed me. I had a calm and civilised discussion with him last night - no raised voices - just a normal discussion asking him where I simply stand with him?? cos he seems to be one min into me and the next not. The sex life has come to a complete halt which I am seriously not happy about and simply said it to him. He told me I have given him some of the best and worst times of his life. I asked him if he considered me 'not good enough to marry' and hence him not offering me prior to having the baby. In reply, he seemed to reassure that he loves me as I am the mother of his child. I am worried that he just sees me like his mother now and not his partner so to speak hence the sex stopping. I sincerely want it to work out with the guy - he is a wonderful father and I have said all this to him. Recently he has stopped saying 'love you' and keeps to pull away from me so I stopped this conversation altogether with regards commitment etc however before doing so, I said to him how can I ever marry you now if your feelings do a u-turn in the meantime if you are not into me enough?? :( he said he is worried that if he does marry me he will end up divorcing me - which has hit me for 6...so I asked him in shock why did you do that to your last 2 wives? he said first ex wife was a mutual breakup and the last one was his idea...so I got upset and said I didn't want the fall-out from his previous relationships. I am worried that he will throw the towel in if we go through a rough patch in the future - which can easily happen...if we ever do decide to get married...he knows I want something proper though. I told him that from day 1 and he knows its what I want but now the problem is I can't see how I can be with him if he is not in love with me as much as I am with him??? I told him I would doing both of us a disservice if I married him cos I don't want to just marry cos of having a child - he seems to be sticking around cos of the child and not cos of our relationship. I am sick of it being so dead-end. I feel trapped in some respects. I cant stomach the thoughts of dating again either. How do I heal our couple and move forward? How do I get our sex life back when he keeps rejecting my advances? I am guessing all these other things that are wrong is what is stopping him from being committed to me ...I don't know.. I just want things to return to how they once were pre-child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): Maybe you need a break snd see if your feelings change might be the best option right now it's not fair on any of you including your little boy x
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