A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I apologise that this long, so thankyou in advance if you read it all. Right, my boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 7 months now, and recently things have been going downhill, as he suddenly came out with something I wasn't expecting the other day. I don't know what caused him to think this, but he suddenly decided that he didn't want a serious relationship. See, I've been with boys in the past, but I hadn't really thought about the fact that he hadn't. He thinks that he's missing out on his fun teenage relationships by going straight into a serious one. He was thinking about us breaking up but we've talked (and cried) together and come to the conclusion that we're going to try and sort it out before taking drastic measures, because we do still love and care for each other. Basically, he just wants us to be happier and there to be more excitement, because after all this time things have kind of fallen into routine. We have also been arguing a lot more, but this is all completely my fault, we've just been taking little things too seriously so I can easily solve this. My suggestions are: that we spend leas time with each other so that the time we do have is more treasured and special; we live more in the moment and don't discuss the future, as this is obviously what's putting him off; we stop taking little things so seriously, basically just lighten up; I control myself and stop causing arguments for attention and sympathy which doesn't work and we do more spontaneous loving things for each other and do different activities to defeat boredom and repetitiveness. So my questions are, does anyone have any more suggestions, and do you think we can resolve this? Thanks :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, justme..x +, writes (3 June 2011):
 You're very welcome, it's nice to know I helped :) Yeah keeping friends close is very important. Don't let phrases like "in a perfect relationship your partner is also your best friend" sway you - that is true to an extent but to be honest a person needs both friends and boy/girlfriend. Sometimes it's easier to keep them separate. Anyway! It sounds like you have a good attitude and plan to it all, so I can do is wish you luck, I'm sure you guys will be fine :) feel free to message me or whatever if you want a chat or to ask something else :) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much justme...x for all the time and thought you evidently put into that response, I feel a little more relieved. I do feel like I'm a clingy girlfriend too, that's been the reason I've been dumped so many times in the past! I feel so lucky that I actually have a boyfriend who I can talk to about things like this and doesn't just talk to others and then dump me without me being involved, having the 'threat' of a potential break up has made me realise how much I love him and made me want to change some of the ways I act just in itself, I feel like our relationship can now really move into a happier, more relaxed stage just in itself. I do think I should spend less time with him, because although I have my friends still, I do tell all my problems to him now, and I feel like I wouldn't have anyone to go to if we were to break up :/ anyway, thankyou soooo much, I'm very grateful for your help :)
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Well what you have already suggested seems like a good start. As for answering the question 'Do you think this can be resolved?' I guess only time will tell...
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (3 June 2011):
Hey :) I'm the same age and have been with my boyfriend for a similar time period so I can identify with you. I think the thing is that sixteen is actually pretty young to have a long-standing relationship. It's around this age that people change the most and start to "become themselves" if you like, so it's not surprising that teenage relationships change. However happy you are - and I used to be so blissfully, crazily loved up with my boyfriend - it can be difficult to make it last.
It sounds like he is a bit scared of being committed at his age. Which is understandable. I'm sure he loves you very much, but perhaps he wasn't intending on geting into such a long relationship in the first place, you can't forsee these things. So it must be sort of overwhelming for him suddenly being in so deep.
I don't think he is missing out on anything, but I see his point. He's lucky to have you, and the good relationship you two have. As are you.
As for your suggestions, well, they're all brilliant! Yes it is difficult to avoid things getting into a stale routine, I have that myself. Something I've been trying is be spontaneous, be romantic - have a surprise for him. It could be alittle thing, a present or something, or find out from his family when he's got a free day when he'll be at home, and turn up out of the blue. Or go crazy and turn up and take him out for a day he'd love. It will make him happy and encourage him to do the same, and you'll both have a whole lot more of an exciting and romantic relationship.
Do smoething different. I've no idea what your routine is but break out of it gently - don't STOP, because it will make things feel even worse, just change days and times and most importantly activities. Go somewhere or do something you've never been/done before. I don't think you should have 'a break' as it's not going to make either of you feel any better. But you can ease off a little bit. I have this problem too. God, a lot of this sounds familiar! I'm a pretty clingy girlfriend to be honest, so I appreciate it might be hard to "lighten up" as you put it. Don't text him all the time. Text him randomly to say you love him if you like, just to make him smile. Go out with your friends and stuff (this goes for both of you). Just get more of a balance between each other and everything else in your life. Being in love is amazing, and it's very easy to plunge into a crazy state of "my world revolves around him". But in fact I've found that this state can be a little bit unhealthy. It's easy to get posessive and over sensitive.
So yeah, go for all your suggestions definitely; remember your age and keep things light. Enjoy what you have while you have it, it sounds like you're a lovely couple. Don't give up! I'm surprised you're even asking if you can resolve it. Of course you can. :) I'm not saying it'll last forever but this doesn't sound like the cause for a break up to me. good luck!! x
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