A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have dated a guy for 3 months whom I really liked and we got on very well, he told me that he enjoys my company very much and there was also lots of chemistry. After around 6 weeks he asked me to see each other exclusively. He was not always very attentive with texting//calling but pretty much so, like every 2nd day, I made myself sometimes a bit unavailable and this made him chase me and become closer. He did most of the calling and chasing. However, last week he asked me out for dinner and told me that he was angry and was thinking of ending the relationship as I was obviously not making enough time and he referred to us as 'part time lovers' and if that was the way I wanted it, well then that was not what he wanted. He also asked me whether I was dating any other men, which I don't. Anyhow, we made up as he said he would like to continue seeing me and I promised to make more time. He asked to see me the next weekend and I said I left it completely free (I wanted to make a real effort). We spent all Saturday day/night but for the rest of the time he had other plans. This made me a bit upset, as he had asked for more time and I had not planned anything because of that and therefore spent most of the time alone, instead of going out with friends which I would have otherwise. When I told him that two days ago on the phone, he said that it was true but he would not apologise but he was having lots of things happening (that is true) and he said 'he didn't want me to wait for him'. When I asked him what that meant he said he 'didn't want any commitment' and that was it!!! He said he wasn't normally like that but all the pressure and this was probably the most 'coldhearted thing' he has ever done (saying that made it even worse for me!. He said that he doesn't want to say goodbye yet, but I said good bye and put the receiver down. As far as I know it is over, I cannot believe it, after HE asked me for more time the week before and when I offered it he finishes the relationship. I also found it particularly cruel to say it over the phone and completley unannounced. He is under a lot of pressure because a friend died and he had to go to Greece yesterday because of family problems. Can you give me your honest opinion as to what happened here, I am completley at loss and I like him a lot, so it hurts badly.Many thanks.Marianne
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 It's possible that you turned him off by playing hard to get. I know that women are taught to play hard to get, but I don't think it's a good thing to give someone the opposite signal of what you are feeling. It ends up backfiring and seems like a waste of time to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Not really sure Marianne, but it sounds like he thought you were playing too hard to get and it made him angry.
When you conceeded though you then openened up your entire weekend and were resentful that he had plans on part of it that did not include you, so he didn't like that pressure either.
It sounds like the two of you are in a power struggle and with the added stress of what is going on in his personal life, he took that out on you....he wins the power struggle.
I think just wait and do nothing and go on with your life and he may call you later when he calms down.
If he does, then try to set some boundaries with him and find out what his are and make an agreement to work together and not against each other....
Other than that I don't know what more you can do.
Good luck.
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