A
male
age
41-50,
*edsox4life123
writes:About seven months ago, a girl that I had feelings for back in 99' found me on the internet. when i was talking to her she was about to end her relationship of six years for obvious reasons and she has three kids. our talks over the first month or so developed into feelings on both sides. i eventually visited her for about one week each month till i got out of the service. when i left the service she asked that i move back to my old home town so we could be together. when i got to my town, i didnt have a job yet and nowhere to stay so i ended up staying with her for a month..things went downhill from there and she recently told me that shes not ready for another relationship right now. she hasnt even gotten over her previous relationship and right now her kids are her main priority and she cant give me the attention she said i deserve..last week we talked and she told me that she is in love with me but she needs time to figure herself out..she said she wanted us to start as friends and work our way forward..she maintains this "single" label..im a little confused because since that talk we have seen each other everyday..we still have sexual relations..we go out together..she always tells me she loves me..im constantly on her mind, she always says she dreams of me but if i mention we're together, or dating, or the word relationship she gets all flustered..what am i missing..she says we never had time to enjoy each other..shes not ready for a relationship right now but we do everything involved in a relationship????someone please explain whats going on!!!!thanks
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 sorry mate, But I agree with "Irish". If she was that into you she wouldnt be so evasive.
She could be just so scared to get involved again and go through all the heartbreak and this is what's making her give out the mixed signals. But her reaction to your affection (outside of sex ) rings major alarm bells, it is almost calculating in its nature as though she has other plans up her sleeve and you are throwing a spanner into the works as it were.
Don't really know what to suggest other than try and take a break and collect your thoughts, but I think you are in for a rough ride in this relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): You are involved with a woman who is enjoying all the perks of a committed relationship with you but she won't commit. I have to blunt. The girl is talking the talk but she's not walking the walk. She's got kids, she's got past baggage, a lot on her plate and she likely initially thought you were the 'knight in shining armor"--her rescuer. In the beginning, she probably was lonely and needed some companionship. At the time, you fit the bill. However, now that you and her have been together, she's realizing you may be not the person for her because she's hedging. Why do I state this? Because if she was crazy about you, she'd be all over you, wanting you and making some form of a committment to 'only you' and she's not doing that. I know how women act when they love someone and she's acting like a woman who is waiting for a better offer to come along. You can disagree with me, but it seems you have mistaken her words, the sex...all of it...for affection and love. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean that any real, genuine love or affection exists. Sorry to say that but that is what I am seeing here. People sometimes say things that seem true in the moment, but when they waver later, and say let's have some fun but let's not commit-- that is a big red flag to the other person who is wanting the committment. You know what...I would hold off seeing her for awhile until she makes up her mind and gives you a more definitive indication of her interest and commitment rather than just 'telling' you she loves you and dreams about you.Or you talk to her in a calm, mature straightforward manner and tell what you want. If she won't give you that, then move on and ease the confusion you are experiencing. And if hse won't commit, look at dating other people. But before you do..you may want to think out exactly what you want in a loving, committed relationship with someone and hold out for it. There are plenty of wonderful, women out there who are looking for genuine commitment and love and you may be the guy to fit the bill for them.
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