A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'll try not to make this too long. Here goes! I've been attracted to this guy at work for over a year, and he's known this (he was chasing me, she got jealous and chased him). He dated her (for sex only) for several months but continued flirting with me, then I got a boyfriend (and this guy was jealous) but I recently broke up with him, and this guy knows it. During past week I've noticed he's been drifting away from his girlfriend and is being more attentive to me now (and I've been visibly receptive to his attention (and he appears happy about this). His girlfriend has noticed this, and it appears he's going to break up with her (and I think she suspects this) but she's the kind who won't accept this and is gonna freak out. I'm under the impression that if a guy fancies a woman then his mind is made up and he can't be talked out of it by the girl he's breaking up with, or anyone for that matter. So, if he fancies me now can she persuade him to stay with her? Don't guys see this as being desperate and a "turn-off"? Although I welcome everyone's reply, you guys out there can be especially helpful here, and thanks much to all of you!
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at work, broke up, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): Well, that is up to you. If you like guys who bounce around the office and use it as a dating pool, and you are the next notch on his belt then by all means go with it...he sounds like a real stud.....and then it will be you watching him on the next young or old thing that comes to work there.....I've seen it........it ain't pretty and then you have to continue to work there, with him....yuck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo.... the bottom line is....that I should stay as far away from him as possible, avoid and ignore him, and then he will get the message. I WAS doing these things at different intervals (like a cycle), then I'd let him sucker me back in. This time I need to NOT let him sucker me - right!!?? I need to be consistent this time and remain distant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): And by the way, how do you know he used her for sex only, where you there with them and hearing their conversations? Don't you imagine if she is his girlfriend that she sees that relationship quite a bit differently than you do? That means he is a great manipulator of women and those kind of guys will always tell you something negative about the other woman, knowing that women are competitive with each other, and he is loving it that you are buying into his load of crap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Also, you may not realize this but there is a danger in that connection you say you feel for him and you assume he feels it too. That connection is comprised of intense feelings for a man, and anytime you have those intense butterlfy in the stomach feelings, it can mask reality....you aren't willing to see the forest for the trees.....you like him so you are making excuses for him and refusing to see the reality of this situation.
Personally, I wouldn't get involved with him romantically until he broke up with his girlfriend, and then I would just want to be friends for a few months to be sure he was over her before I entertained dating him more seriously...that is if you really like him and would like a relationship with him. If you are just looking for a fling, then throw caution to the wind....and see what a mess you end up with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I think this guy you are attracted to is nothing more than a player, so be careful of what you wish for.
He is coming onto you and flirting with you and he hasn't broken it off yet with his girlfriend, he is looking for her repalcement already.....nice, and if he used her just for sex and she was willing to accept those terms, then chances are once he starts it up with you, she will still be his fallback girl and he may very well use both of you for sex.
Sounds like a lot of office drama and personally I try to stay away from that if at all possible especially in the work place.
I have had trouble with an ex girlfriend with the last boyfriend I had but I fell for him not knowing a thing about her....and she was jealous, and yes she did try to talk him out of being with me and she broke us up twice by lying to me about stuff he supposedly did to her.....but he and I eventually got back together for about a year and she stayed in the background pretending to be his friend and retaliating against him and harassing me with emails and texts....it was the first time in my life I have ever had to deal with a nut.....and it made trusting my boyfriend almost impossible at times.....But he had broken up with her before we even met each other....so he wasn't trying to play me....but she was still a thorn in my side, they knew eachother a lot longer than he and I knew eachother, so he tried to stay friends with her.....bad idea.....
I don't know this situation sounds like a mess to me and I would not put your focus on the other girl......I would put it on yourself and how you are feeling.....but it isn't really right to try and attract a guy away from a current relationship.....if he is that kind of guy, I don't want him in the first place....I don't want to be a rebound, I don't want to be played by a playa, and I don't trust a guy who would dump another girl over me, if he can break that bond with her that easily and for someone else he is shallow and self centered to begin with.....all major red flags in my book.
Have fun'
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, and you could be right, but you also could be wrong. This guy and I have been attracted to each other for 2 years now, and due to a misunderstood set of circumstances he ended up with his current girlfriend but I've always been under his surveillance, as he has with me. This coming week will tell it all, because it appears to me that last week he broke up with her, but she's the type that could cause alot of problems, and he and I know this. My observance of the situation tells me that he's been wanting her to get the hint from him that he's done with her (remember - he was using her just for sex. What has developed between him and me is much deeper according the communication between him and me). Don't you believe in love?? And no, this isn't about who WINS - women don't play that game - it's about relationships. I'll keep you posted.
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