A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was just wondering (and please don't read too much into this!) whether sometimes the sexual attraction between two people can be so intense that they actually avoid each other (i.e. never actually consummate the attraction), net result being that people actually pursue relationships with people they are completely comfortable with rather than those to whom they are truly sexually attracted to. Am I making sense or being ridiculous? Thanks for your thoughts! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CatalinaCassy  +, writes (18 June 2017):
Yes.
My non-X and I can still barely even say, "Hi, how are you?" in passing. . . 6 years after the attraction boiled over and we ran in opposite directions.
One rainatorming night two days before christmas with a dead car battery (from talking, mind you), one make out session in a car, no clothes came off.
We see each other basically weekly and still can't get over it enough to get closure. Yes, my heart has moved on... but my body still turns electric in his company. It's pretty gross.
A
female
reader, dls414.rjr330 +, writes (30 October 2014):
Yes it is very possible. In my experience just recently, I had met someone over text messaging and through a mutual person. we chatted in text on the phone for 3 days then decided to meet in person. the initial meeting was quite comfortable almost as though I could have fallen into him and we would be open armed to each other. the intensity was so strong that i felt my own pulse beating strong in desire to become one with him and the intense pull of energy between the 2 of us was'is so dramatic we couldn't resist. but yes we now i believe stop and ponder whether or not to get together due to the strong desire we cannot yet want to just wrap around one another. so yes i could totally see 2 people avoiding that intensity as for me no way lol i'm a 35 year old woman and i'm gonna live it up to life's greatest touches especially one so celestial!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): Yes, it can be very intense. I experience the same intensity. Can't look him in the eyes. Cabt be around him. My body tingles when he is near. Very scary.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): Yes, it can be very intense. I experience the same intensity. Can't look him in the eyes. Cabt be around him. My body tingles when he is near. Very scary.
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A
male
reader, jaks  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Hi,
Yes it to very very true. One won't persue this fatal attraction due to the fear of her/his family being ruined. Or thinking what other person will think about you. I think you are in this delicate situation.
We have famu family close to us..Whenever We go to visit their house, my friend's wife (around 40) starts adjusting her clothes, especially when she is in her saree. She is very very concious about herself infront of me.
My wife said She is restless when you are around. One day I happened to go to their house and she was alone and was casually dressed. I felt she will faint soon because of some sort of feeling killing her. I am unable to persue this fatal feeling fearing the family life.
Love
Jaks
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A
female
reader, viejahermosa +, writes (10 October 2009):
Absolutely! I was so attracted to a man at work that every time he entered the room, I would get extremely nervous, couldn't function, and my face would get hot and red. If he even looked at me, I would fall apart. This went on for many months. One day he asked me to lunch. Long story short, when we went to bed together, it was fantastic, and I've never had another like him.
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A
female
reader, selfidentity  +, writes (21 June 2009):
I had a very strong sexual attraction for someone at work once. I never felt anything like it, I would go hot and red. it was actually pretty horrible because he sat next to me, I couldnt look at him and talking to him was very uncomfortable. And I didn't even liked him as a person, so he wasn't like nice or anything, and sometimes my other colleagues would tease me, because it was impossible to look normal!
Worst experience of my life. Stupid hormones.
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A
female
reader, screenstar  +, writes (30 November 2008):
yes, it can be true- if you are sure there is a sexual attraction. I have a very strong sexual attraction to someone I know, I am married and know that I wont pursue the issue, however I do feel uncomfortable around the man and mostly try to avoid him because of the intensity. sometimes there are unconscious messages sent between people that are read through eye contact and body language and if you have a very strong sexual attraction to someone and are in their presence you may easily give yourself away -so thats why people avoid each other until the electricity dissipates, of course sometimes the spark only diminishes once you have had sex and put out the fire.
food for thought
hope this helps
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 People who experience sexual attraction outside of their current relationship may avoid contact with the person they're attracted to. If they're wise they see the big red flag warning them to stay away.
I think it differs for men and women too. As we all know, men seem to be more easily able to have casual sex. I know things are changing but this still seems to be the case. I think most single men who encounter a situation where they are sure there is a mutual sexual attraction would almost always go for it. Women, on the other hand, might still put up barriers, even if temporary. Women have always had more restraint than men in this area. Women can have sex whenever they choose and most choose to be picky about when they have sex. The ones that have sex all over town have historically been labeled in a negative way.
People pursue relationships with people that interest them. The big sexual attraction you're referring to ebbs and flows over time. If you happen to come across someone you're attracted to while you're current relationship is at a low point, that new attraction may seem much stronger. It may also be confusing and make a person question many things. That is why it's always best to understand relationships, remain grounded and nurture what you have.
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A
female
reader, Twilight#1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 I would say yes, to the question if two people are uncomfortable around each other because of sexual attraction. Happens all the time... someone sees or meets a person they are sexually attracted to and have a hard time being around that person; and will go to lengths of not seeing each other. Do you know for sure if the other guy feels the same way about you? If he does and I was in that situation I would probably want to get to know him, who knows they're can be more things about the person you're sexually attracted to and might enjoy each others personality... but if not, then I would let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Yes, I think it is possible...if they feel it is "a forbidden love." Or...they are incredibly shy and frightened of the outcome! I don't know the details, so it's hard to say. Maybe someone HAS TO make the first move, unless of course others stand to get hurt by it!
I don't believe in people interferring in others' relationships, so if that is the case, I would say move on!!!!
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Yes thats true it can happen. Sometimes the reasons why it's not pursued immediately is because there's a hold up at one end. Maybe one of them is married and thats the barrier. Unrequited love is so intense. hope this helps.
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