A
female
age
41-50,
*eace143
writes:I'm a beautiful women and I (have) a sexless marriage. Supposedly my husband isn't cheating. What else can this be. There is no connection anymore. I want him to show me he wants me. We love each other, but our marriage doesn't feel strong. No sex (when it use to be crazy amazing)He is mean to the kids and I (I can't stand the anger)He argues with me all the time. He doesn't help around the house. Doesn't do the man stuff for the houseI sometimes feel I should leave him for a better life for the kids and I. But I second guess myself every time. How long should this go on?There's so much more to say but that would be a book lol. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (8 November 2017):
 Rather than making this all about YOU, could it be that your husband is going through something, hence the lack of intimacy and his outward temper?
Btw, your sex life has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR LOOKS.
Sex comes and goes, regardless of one's physical appearance.
You didn't tell us how long this has all been going on, but i'm guessing quite some time now, otherwise you'd not be compelled to write to DC.
Your husband's aggression, his seeming lack of patience, help around the house and his verbal aggression unto you and your children, what do you believe has changed of late with your husband and what are you doing about it to put a stop to it?
You should work together, as a team because after all, you are husband and wife and you both take the good and the bad as it comes and you deal with it TOGETHER.
Sit down with your husband over a cup of tea/coffee and discuss all of your worries and ask him direct questions to all that you wish to know.
Regarding sex, you too, you should try to spark things up too, BUT not before you know what's making your husband a ticking time bomb.
There will be no sex UNTIL this has been resolved.
Have you tried seducing your husband, wearing something sexy in the bedroom, talking a bit dirty to him, whispering in his ear and lightly touching/stroking his body, just to arouse his senses?
Have you pampered him of late, or do you expect him to do all of the work?
Sex within a marriage, is never a one sided affair and shouldn't be.
You may be worried sick for nothing.
Your lack of marital sex may have absolutely nothing to do with you, but everything to do with what your husband may be going through.
UNLESS you hear it from the horse's mouth, you'll never know what the issue at heart is and where you stand, so stop worrying and start talking to your husband.
If you guys require marital counselling, do not look at is in a negative way, but in a constructive way.
Go together and work together, if it means saving your marriage.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (4 November 2017):
Sounds like your marriage is not only sexless but loveless. The man is cruel to you and your children. There could be any number of reasons for his behavior none of them good. If he will not discuss the problems with you honestly and seek family counseling leave him.
In fact you should leave him anyway.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (4 November 2017):
 I believe when marriage become listless, it stems from each partner not being open with one another. Communication with each other ceases and instead breeds contempt and bitterness. I noticed your letter highlights all the things he isn't doing. I understand that you have your problems but what are you doing? Marriage is about two people becoming one. Instead it sounds as if you are waiting for your husband to make the move, otherwise you'll leave.
Remember why you chose him. Remember why you agreed to stay by the side of this man for the rest of your life and have his children. Have you been making attempts to spice up your love life of late? Do you let him know how you feel about his anger to the kids? Do you refrain from amplifying arguments? Do you remind him that you love him? Do you show him that you want him?
Be the spouse you want to attract into your life. There's currently a disconnect, so start off small. Buy him a small gift. Pack him a special lunch. Suggest a family picnic...at the beach. Surprise him with a date night. Get a make over. Do something silly and funny like karaoke. Spread happiness in the house for you and the kids. Remind him that you love him and you want the old him back. For better for worse. Fight for him.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 November 2017):
 I'm not saying you shouldn't see yourself as beautiful, but it's fairly unrelated to your post and isn't important overall.
As for your husband, he's just not a good one - regardless of your sex life. He doesn't help around the house, is nasty to the children, argues with you all of the time, etc. We'll ignore the "man stuff" idea, as gender roles are pretty old fashioned and is somewhat silly to think about, unless you live solely in a "woman's place"?
Honestly, OP, if you feel it's time to call it quits, maybe it is. If you keep doubting yourself, though, maybe you need to seek marriage counselling before giving up. Either way, mistreating you or your kids should not be tolerated.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 November 2017):
They say...you are treated the way you allow people to treat you.In this case it is you husband who seems to be ill-treating you.Would you consider having a long indept chat with your husband,telling him how you feel and also asking him has he problems at work,is his health ok or is there something that he is stressed out about.Perhaps he might consider both of you going to see a counsellor,to get some help.This situation between you both needs to be sorted as soon as possible.....as there are children,their health and well being to be considered first.Remember your children must always come first and what is in their best interest.So the sooner this situation is sorted out rather then later,the best for all.Kind Regards.NORA B.
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