A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can men be balanced in bed? I have only had either dominating or submissive guys. The dominating ones are selfish, controlling, insecure and eager to have sex. Submissive ones are a bit too nice and overly slave like, wanting to please you badly but lack a certain level of aggression and passion which i like. How can i figure out if a guy is balanced? I want someone who is nice, loving, sweet and sensitive but then slightly aggressive in bed!
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2020): Relationships are not all about sex. I had a lover who was fantastic in bed, just the right amount of this and that, he was subservient when it suited me and dominant when it suited me, and me too. We bought toys, clothes, furniture, I had a collection of whips, leather outfits and all the rest. He was over the moon.He was terrific company, great sense of humour.But when it came to our actual relationship we had different ideas, he was terrible with money I was good at earning, sharp and a saver. He lied a lot, he was unreliable. There is more to a relationship than just sex.I now have a terrific relationship with a man where the sex is ordinary but where he never lies to me, never uses me or lets me down, never hurts me and never takes me for granted. That matters to me far more.It will take you at least fifty years to find a man who offers you both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2020): How many men have you been with? Are you taking a survey?
If this is a an experiment, do you keep notes on each guy's performance and other attributes? Is there a control-group versus random participants? How are your subjects chosen, and what criteria must they meet to qualify to participate? Who's in-charge of quality-control? Is the quality of performance judged by a panel of experts...or just you?
Did you draw your presumptions based on some reasonable scientific-data? Otherwise, do you simply expound sexist-generalities meaning to cast aspersions on the male-gender...because you have a very unlucky sex-life? Maybe you simply make bad-choices?
When you're dealing with human beings, we have many advantages above all other creatures. We have a sense of self-awareness, and the ability to communicate through language. We can guide or teach others, and connect with them verbally. We interact by using various forms of expression. Facial-expressions, our body-language, and through signals; or we can prepare written-instructions outlining what we want, and how we wish it to be done, for just about anything. I know communication-skills and personal-interaction are dying human-talents; but being deficient in these areas also attribute to our social-dysfunction. We haven't developed the ability to read minds. Perhaps that comes further down the road in our human evolutionary-process. I fail to comprehend how someone slaving to satisfy you is a bad-thing? Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes you get an all-in-one, and sometimes you don't! C'est la vie!
The key is choosing someone compatible, both on an emotional and intellectual-level. That requires trial and error, and becoming somewhat acquainted. Due to many health-risks, you may need to be careful and discerning about the frequency of casual-sex. One-night stands or random-pickups are difficult to judge by. Due to the nature of the encounter; there are no specifics or criteria to be met, necessary to create conditions conducive to compatibility, balance, and reciprocity. It's spur of the moment; and your expectations are basically irrelevant, or you have to be somewhat flexible. How do you think you'd be rated, if they were to offer their opinions? That was only a rhetorical-question!
Once you establish a mutual-understanding between two intelligent and consenting adults; you can accomplish just about anything.
It's easy to criticize others and make broad generalizations. Those who know how to communicate are rarely misunderstood; and have no trouble getting their thoughts, desires, and ideas across. When you set high expectations, the tough part is making sure you can also meet them!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 September 2020):
Wow, anonymous have probably the most ridiculous answer over ever seen here, lol. That must have taken a lot of effort.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2020): You don't want them to be aggressive in bed unless you want to be beaten up during sex and that's very unlikely.I think you mean you want YOUR MAN to be STRONG in BED. That means he is capable of being loving and sexy.I think it might be your language use that is bringing the confusion.Guys reading your question will believe that some women want to be bashed about a bit before sex or during sex which is not true.You want a STRONG CONNECTION WITH YOUR MAN, if you are to enjoy your sex life.Are you out there trying random men on random one night stands?If you are then you are having DRUNKEN SEX.This is no good.ALCOHOL effects SEX for a man. It lowers his ability.Being a drunken female makes you just a sick, drunken mess.Many people have rotten sex on drunken one night stands because their is NO CONNECTION.So please, before you critique your man's sexual ability, try to build a connection and actually like or even love or trust your man.You sound like a bit of a dead end in bed. Saying you have had partners who SLAVISHLY try to please you means that you have no appreciation of your partner's feelings at all!That is always going to be a disaster in bed or out of bed.SEX IS ALWAYS PORTRAYED DIFFERENTLY IN FILMS.The film maker is often a male who believe a woman wants to be slammed up against a door or a wall for sex.In real life you would have painful bruises if you were slammed up hard against a wall or door or in a shower but film makers use those techniques to shock the rhythm of the audience, thereby grabbing the audiences attention and then they shift into close up shots of skin, or mouths eye to keep the audience focused.It is planned and acted of course.So, unless you are planning on putting your partner in jail for AGGRESSIVE SEX, please stop moaning!AGGRESSIVE SEX GONE WRONG IS NO DEFENCE FOR MURDER ANYMORE.Maybe you are trolling here. Perhaps you are a man who wants to vent his anger on women in bed and this short question is to try to RECREATE the impression that women want to be subject to violence.Try thinking about how your partner is feeling and leave the blood and bruises for the film world, where they can just wash it away and go home with money in their pockets.If you become a whore you will get beaten up regularly by men who don't intend to pay you.If you are a guy, busy trying to RECREATE the idea that women want to be beaten up for sexual gratification, then I can warn you that rough sex gone wrong is no defence for murder.Somehow I doubt that you are a woman.
...............................
|
