A
female
age
41-50,
*taff
writes:I married 5years ago to my irish husband who is 23 years older than me. we have problemes in bed i tried to see sex expert and do few session. things are change for better. i dont feel intimacy during sex, my husband never make love before me and its very hard to do penetration i dont feel happy during sex. i become hate sex with him than i feel my sexual feeling are dead. we do sometime sex after 3or4months. i just make love with him just to make him happy i never felt happy during sex.I feel so guilty to refuse sex with him because his is so faithful to me and me the same.i am so confused, now iam pregnant with his first child. we dont have sex since i get pregnant. sometimes i feel like we are father and daughter.i really dont feel any sexual attraction but iam still faithful to him. i am not in love with anybody else.Please any advice i dont know what can i do can marriage survive without sex? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): Can a marriage survive without sex? I am sure it does, for some, but it is not quite natural, wouldn't you agree? If you don't have any sexual attraction for your husband, why did you marry him the first place? Did you ever enjoy sex with him or with other men? How about tenderness? Have you always felt that you are like father and daughter and can you detail this?
Don't force yourself to have sex if you don't want to, this is very damaging for your relationship and for each of you, taken separately. The first step is to pay a visit to your doctor's and talk to him about your decreased libido, he can perform some tests, check your hormone levels, etc. Inform him of any pain or discomfort you might have been feeling during the act, even if it's of an emotional, psychological nature, he might redirect you to another specialist or provide you with some solutions or therapy.
Go on with the sex sessions AND your marriage only if you honestly think you can bring yourself to care for him as your partner and enjoy sex with him (maybe establish a time frame of, say, 6 months), odds are if you never have, you might never will; by dragging yourself along you will only achieve that two people are unhappy, while he could maybe meet someone who sincerely cares for him and doesn't find sex a chore or a drudgery.
If you however decide to stay, don't force yourself to have sex, tell him of your low libido and find ways to get yourself aroused, a different foreplay perhaps, and maybe a different behaviour of his in and outside the bedroom, for example he might be overprotective with you which contributes to how you picture him more as a father than a partner, etc.
Don't forget that he might already be doing all that it takes to make another woman happy, so don't rest this matter entirely on his shoulders. It could be a sexual incompatibility spotted much too late. Also, some women complain of a low libido during and after childbirth and in different other medical conditions, that is why it is important to firstly investigate on this branch, taking time off any sexual activity, because while you feel pressurised and distressed you certainly won't be able to enjoy the act and any closeness with another person. Best wishes.
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