A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to repost my question to get more feedback. Is this possible? Thanks.How do I deal with him wanting more and 'casual time'?Tagged as: Faded love, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships Previous question Next question Question - (11 March 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2007) A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:Can I work through him falling out of love with his wife and turning our friendship into something more?We have been friends for 1.5 years. He has been miserable with his marriage (he has no kids with her but she has kids from a previous relationship). He recently told me that he is falling out of love with her, he may leave her and that he is miserable. They broke up for a while last year but she guilted him back by taking anti-depression meds and talking suicide.Absolutely nothing physical as happened between us which he and I have both agreed that we want to do this the right way. Lately, he has been asking me to spend time with him a few times a week going to dinner etc. He has said things like, "I may be moving in with you soon" or "If I am going to leave my wife for you..." (This is said in a light, joking manner.I am having feelings for him. We have both discussed this and he is starting to tell me about his finanical situation, that we have things in common and enjoys spending time with me. He is being very telling and open. My only advice to him is that he needs to make a decision and that he is the only person that can do so.With out being pushy, how long should I deal with the casual time together? We are both very attracted to each other but I am having guilt about the time I spend with him because of her.????Help????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): Leave him alone. I am in the same situation but I am the wife. We have been married 21 years and he has a friend that "helps" him with his life problems. So far, I have been told that they haven't done anything but yet he is wanting to leave our marriage (with 3 kids) to be "happy"! If he would discuss these "problems" with me instead of an outside party that doesn't know what we have been through the last 21 years then MANY things would be different. This man that you are talking about needs to grow up and face his issues with the one he promised to love and cherish until death do us part!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Run away. Run fast. Run far. Don't look back. He is grooming you for an affair. This is a slow, subtle type of seduction. He is getting you emotionally enmeshed, so eventually he will "close the deal" and you will become his bit on the side. See the tag "In Love With a Married Man, How do I cope?" After reading these postings, if you still want to continue seeing him behind his wife's back, you should get some therapy to understand why you would do this to yourself. Stop the contact now. Stop being his "friend" and confidante. Set the price of admission to that of his being separated with divorce proceedings initiated at the very least before you will see him socially. If you continue on with your relationship as it is, YOU will get hurt. You already have feelings for him, and that is proof that things are headed for an emotional trainwreck for you. Google the article The Seduction of a Married Man and read it. How do you know that you are the only one he is doing this with? Remember, if he's doing it with you, he'll do it to you.
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A
female
reader, artlover +, writes (14 March 2007):
 I am in almost the exact situation, except my guy has a child with her. We stopped hanging out together because our relationship was getting intense and he got caught texting me. That was a wake up call for us both. I am staying out of the whole mess so he can make his mind up about his marriage without my two cents. It stinks for me because I miss him but in the end it is the right thing to do. If you and your guy are to have a future together it would be better that it not be because he cheated with you. keep it on the up and up. if it is supposed to be that you are to be together then you will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): I can definitely understand you having strong feelings for this man. He is married and this is something that should be taken seriously. As such, his marriage also makes him unavailable to anyone else. Also, do you really want a man who puts you on the "back burner"? Whether, you realize it or not, he is making you second place to his wife, no matter how much he tells you he wants to be with you. You deserve to be first place. So, my advice is to leave him immediately! If
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