A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is nothing new, and I've been over it a million times in my mind, but wouldso great to hear others opinions. I met a wonderful man a few months ago.....who is single.....tho still has issues with a lady who will not, or cannot be with him because she has a partner. He told me he wanted to move on with his life, and so we began a relationship.....altho I knew he was still in contact with ....(Lucy)! They have a history together, tho they have never been in a 'normal relationship' as she refuses to leave her partner tobe with my man....but because of his feelings for her he has never completely closed the door on her, and there is still contact.So.....4 months down the line....we are becoming closer, spending a lot of time together and its fantastic.....BUT....I know she will not leave him alone, he is weak, and still speaks to her....We have already broken up at my instigation....for I will not be second best to anyone, tried not talking to one another, that doesen't work....3 days max and we are talking again, then two more days, and he's on my doorstep telling me how much he misses me. As my feelings are true for him it's really hard to be firm and walk away from this. AM I living in vain hope that one day he will cut all ties and see sense and be with me totally. I've shown him how a normal relationship should be, something he never had with her....and he keeps on coming back.....can I possibly win him in this impossible situation.....or should I cut loose before I get really hurt?I know it all sounds so hopeless.....and I know deep down if she suddenly decided to leave her partner....I would be cast aside.....I guess deep down I'm wondering if I persist with this that his feelings for me will grow..... It's the old old saying isn't it 'you always want what you can't have....which applies to him.....and now me it seems meSo any comments would be helpful
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): You know there is no right or wrong answer. He has told you that he wants to be with Lucy forever if she would have him?
Four months of dating is not very long. In my opinion people are stupid to commit to someone in such a short time....there is nothing wrong with dating more than one person. If you are sexually intimate, then you both owe eachother sexual fidelity, but there is no sin in dating not sleeping around, other people....so if he hasn't made that commitment to you, then you have no say so in whether or not he speaks to Lucy or any other woman, but you can let him know that until he makes a full commitment to you, you will be open to date other people. It only makes sense, you don't know each other that well, why cut yourselves off from knowing others....if you two are meant to be, your relationship will grow and grow into real and lasting love, and then there will be no questions in your mind and you both will commit to one another....but in the meantime, be open to dating and let him have the same freedom, if he really wants to be exclusive with you, he will worry about losing you, and will want to nail you down to a relationship.....let him chase you....because yes people want what they have to work for, they want what they can't have and fear of loss is a big motivator to take the plunge to commit.
Will you get hurt? Unless you plan to never love again, you cannot guarantee that you will never get hurt....so why not gather your courage and do what you know you need to do....take a risk, but protect your heart by letting him know you will exit the relationship if he takes you for granted in any way, and that you are a free agent until he puts a ring or something like that on your finger.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it to. Girl STOP giving in to him and walk away. I dont know about you but I have actually had a man worship the ground that I walk on and it dont sound like he is even half way to that point with you. MOVE ON even if it means changing your phone number and Moving somthing but this relationship that you are in is NOT healthy for either of you. You are his back up just in-case type deal. There is NO WAY I would ever fall back seat to any woman. NO WAY, NO SHAPE, NO FORM, NO FASHION.
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