A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been very un-trustful with my fiancee since I found out he had cheated on me 2 years ago. I forgave him but will never forget. So now I find myself looking through his e-mails and have recently found out that he has been registering onto sex sites to talk to girls. Whether they're make believe or not I don't know coz I'm not too clued up on that sort of thing but, he has also tried asking some girls if he can meet up with them when I'm at work!! Is he for real or just testing? He is in the military and I know the lads can be boystrous. He also tells me about his friends doing the same but would never tell me if he was doing it. I just want to know what the best approach would be to ask him about it without embarrassing either of us and without breaking his trust!
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at work, cheated on me, fiance, military Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Hi,
You appear to have almost zero self confidence. You are trawling through your husbands personal mails and finding out he is cheating on you again. Then you talk about betraying his trust ,you are but only because he is still cheating and you obviously have a gut feeling he is.
If I had a dollar for every guy I've heard in the football changing room who has bragged about the "missus" staying at home while he goes out and shags any girl he can find because she is too scared to leave him, I would be a rich man.
You know he cheats, he is still cheating ( he is trying to initiate contact with these girls - thats cheating to me), he and his mates all think its a big joke (believe me I know the type), what are you going to do about it? That's the question you should be asking, not how is he going to react, sod him - his feelings are irrelevant here.
Try and be strong, ask yourself if its worth it going through life constantly worried whether your husband is cheating on you.
You deserve more.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Oh dear, you can’t trust him…..yet you want to protect him from being offended by what you have found. You put him before yourself and that can not be right at all. There is no way you should be accepting this second best level of treatment from a man who is supposed to be going to marry you. There should be no secrets, no hidden passwords or clandestine activity going on at all.
The only way a relationship can be called mature enough for marriage is if there is trust, honesty and respect. If there is not, it is just people playing at being in love. I know it is hard, but he has already told you that he would not let you know what he was doing if he was. Boisterous is one thing. Betraying someone by seeking secret sex with other girls is not harmless fun.
Your emotional health and happiness is the first concern, Also, have you seen the figures for HIV lately? Alongside this internet temptation and the seeming freedom it gives people to betray each other, the epidemic is climbing. At the moment I see the emotional threat and your weakness in setting a boundary as the main problems, but it won’t be long before everyone is running scared yet again over sexual health issues because of the complacency that exists.
Love yourself and break up with him, he is being a selfish pig. This is not a dream , he is really doing this. It is not a story that you are reading to yourself. He is betraying YOU. X
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