A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I met in June last year. We became official in sep after sex.I caught him flirting with other women in feb this year. He repented and deleted all the girls he was flirting with in facebook and also cut all contact with them. We bought a place together in April. Last month I found a girl exposing his cheating ways in a forum around last year, saying he cheated on her n also other ex girlfriends. He pushed the blame to her n did not admit to cheating.I confronted him and he admitted that he cheated on his ex gf with me for 2 months before breaking up with her. He said it's her who posted it.He asked me to allow him to repent and has changed for the better since we were together. He went to the forum and posted this: I was a player last time but after I know my gf since Sept 09, I have change for the better. Please allow a person to repent and stop all post here.Thank You.Can I trust him? I really love him and I can feel his love too. He is 31 now and his friends are all married or getting married.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tony67  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Hi. I'm glad you're reaching out instead of throwing the relationship away. I myself am a former cheater. I don't believe in the adage "once a cheater, always a cheater". Yes there are guys out there who don't care and will cheat every chance they get, but I really feel the majority of cheaters would rather hit the re-set switch and never have compromised their own values, let alone risked hurting the people they love. Unfortunately there is no such "re-set" switch so we have to live with our past.My advice would be to sit down with him and talk to him in a really loving way about your concerns. Tell him you get that guys are different from women. Ask in a non-threatening way if you can check in with him occasionally on how he's feeling or if he's feeling tempted. Cheating happens for a reason. Boredom, low self esteem (which it ironically ends up making even worse), a need to feel desired by others, and sometimes just bad timing but I think that's the exception and not the rule. Cheating is usually something that is planned or sought out before it happens. As a result it can be avoided!His past may be far more complicated than you know, but it's the past. He may be living in fear of you ever finding out something he doesn't want you to know and while that exists, he's in danger of cheating. I would suggest you also offer amnesty from this point on and stick to it, no matter what may come up. Showing that kind of trust and empathy is incredibly valuable and will create a trust and bond with him that will last forever.....just remember, it's going to take work. Always keep in touch on the issue and ask him to let you check in. It's a two way street...I hope this hasn't been too wordy. Good luck with your relationship. I wish I could undo everything I've done, but that's my past.
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