A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well my question is am I a fool to remain friends with the girl who hurt me? What happened is we've been close friends for over 2 years, I kinda knew she was attracted to me, we started to have these discussions and one thing led to the other where I which was my first encounter with the same sex, became curious so we kissed. Then for the next month, it was everyday m-f and on some saturdays. We had to be discreet since we both are married, then these feelings came up, she said she's falling in love with me, i felt the same, we were like magnets, then she said she was in love with me, i said the same, saying to myself how is this happening, my first encounter in my 30s, and now i'm in love (with a girl). Then she said we need to leave our spouses, that's when it became too deep, it was getting crazy. i didn't know what to do or what was happening. Well it went from I love you to, lets not mention i love you's anymore to lets take out the emotions, to i need some space, then too i don't want to do this anymore because you are to jeolous and insecure. Calls became less, stopped texting to where i was doing all the initiating, that if i didn't call it was no contact at all. Well I confronted her on how I was feeling, saying how I felt, she said that she thought i understood that when she said she needed some space that it was over and that she was no longer in love. I said no you only needed space, but i didn't know that you weren't in love anymore, well she said that she meant that it was totally over that, i need to get a grip and get over it, this wasn't her first experience but it was mine and i was devastated. How could you no longer have any feelings if it was real, she said you can control everything if you put your mind to it, after 3 months it was over, so i tried to act as if i was ok with and just be her friend and tried to get over it, but it was very difficult, when i tried to talk to her about it, she would say i need to stop thinking about it, but i was like how do you stop loving someone just like that, she said well if you dont then we cant be friends, so i bowed down, crying inside, hoping that she'll come around because i couldn't see no ones feelings gone just like that, then 5 months later, it happened again, she was like shes sorry that it happened but this will be the last time, that she's still interested in sex but no longer does she feel anything for me she cares but not like that, but stupid me was trying to hold on. and the next month we did it twice, were talking on the phone daily, she's calling me on her job on all breaks, and then it was like we got into this silly argument then she says see thats why i left because you argue too much, you cry to much and i just need to see if i want to continue our friendship, i was like why you keep pulling me in then, you want to push me out, what am i doing wrong, she would say its over, i'll cry the cycle would start all over again, i would run to her, she'll start calling me again everyday, on her breaks at work, but i had to be careful what i say because whenever an argument would pursue she would say thats why, and its over, so i tried to be what she wanted, we had more sex, then the last and final month came when we had the big blowup, where she said that she did love me, those first 3 months but again not now, its just been sex and thats it, i said but we meet at the park, hold hands, we talk daily, what do you mean its just sex, you don't have any emotions, all you see is i'm just your friend, she said yes, we're just friends, i said but friends don't hold hands or do what we do, she said i just held your hand because you wanted me too, and its just sex nothing more or less, that's all its been. so i became angry told her no, you just don't keep doing this to me, she said you know what i mean it this time, its truly over, no more friendship no nothing, i left crying, devastated, with my heart in my hands- then a week later she called and was like she was sorry, she wishes me the best and that whatever the future holds will see, so after that call we ended up calling each other again, its been 3 months since the last blow up, but this time i want let myself go there, i don't call her at all like i use too, i distance myself, when she doesn't hear from me, she'll call saying she's just checking up on me, she's came over to visit, sometimes i'll sense her trying to get a rise out of me but i don't do it, i've come to accept that i was played, and that she never had any feelings for me, i've accepted that my 1st and only encounter led to a major heartbreak, and me falling for a woman, i've accepted what has happened but it was a long road because she was such a close friend, i'm totally focused on my marriage now and know that i was wrong in what i did, but i still have love for her, why i don't know? so my question is can you just be friends after something like this, how do I go on?
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at work, I love you, insecure, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your advice, I am going to take the high road this time, I've been battling should I or could I just be friends, but given the situation and how I feel, I know and feel its best to move on***
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): stop hurting your self... JUST MOVE ON......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Just move on, dude. It's really the best thing for you.
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