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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Please try not to judge me. This is my first relationship and I've made tons of mistakes. We've been together for two years and almost 4 months, and I love him.He is the jealous type. He has issues with my past. My past is not at all crazy, but well. To avoid problems I cut contact with my former crushes, or guys I had kissed. However, when my past frist came up I wasn't totally honest. I never wanted it to come betweens because I knew it'd cause more trouble than anything good (when we first started dating I once let something about my past slip and he told me he preferred if I told him nothing). Also because he knew one of the guys I had kissed, who was still friends with me. So I tried lying, but guilt took over so I came clean immediately. He didn't handle the truth well, and then each time he'd ask about something new and I'd tell the truth he'd get really upset, and sometimes he even broke up with me.Last year, I had a few online chats with a couple of guys behind his back. One was a former crush, and another was my former best friend who I had benefits with before I met my boyfriend. Those chats were meaningless to me, no flirting, just friendly catching up. Really meaningless and since then (over a year ago) I haven't talked to them again.He doesn't know. To me, and to virtually everyone I've told about this, is not a big deal, it's meaningless and harmless. But to him, it'd practically be like I had cheated on him. He'd probably dump me and be very upset, he'd be hurt and feel like I betrayed him. The reason this troubles me is that we're making it work, we're in a really great place now, and I know that if I told him about this I'd ruin it. I don't know how I was able to not feel guilty about this for a year. But now, I just don't know whether it's right or not. I don't want to tell him because I know it'll ruin our beautiful relationship, and to me it's really meaningless, I'll never do it again and I WOULD NEVER cheat. Should I just keep it a secret or tell him and lose him? I love him so much, I don't want to lose him and he's such a great guy aside from his jealousy and insecurity (he had an awful childhood and past girlfriends have cheated on him, so..). I swear all I want is for this relationship to work. Am I supposed to tell him everything? Can I keep this a secret and still be a good girlfriend? Or does this make me a liar and deserving of being dumped? Please don't tell me to tell him and that I should see if he dumps me or not, because I know I'll lose him. As I lied before, I know he won't tolerate this again. Please, help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): if you know whats going to happen and you value your relationship keep your mouth shut and forget it dont risk everything as i did and lost it
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