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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi Aunts and Uncles,I don't know how to tell my husband that the therapy he's been taking for the past year is not working and that he's been experiencing a lot of bad side-effects.Now, before you wonder, why I should be the one to tell him this and/or how come he doesn't know himself...When he was diagnosed a year ago, he's life changed for the better. He (we) finally understood the root of many of his problems and at the beginning the meds his shrink prescribed really helped him not only focus better, but THINK better (faster, more efficient, his memory improved...). He felt he could finally have a dialogue with himself and use his mind.Anyway, at some point his therapy stopped working. His shrink introduced some other brands/molecules, but all in all in time the benefits decreased and the secondary effects increased.He's insistent on carrying on with the meds even though they do not work. In a sense he became addicted to them (psychologically, physically as I said he sees no benefits).He complains to me daily, describing what is wrong and how he feels. I started taking notes and realized that in the past 6 months, things went seriously south. I don't think he's aware of how inefficient his therapy has become and the extent of the side effects.He's tired, worried, devastated over the drastic hair-loss (I keep wandering what the meds are doing to his heart etc.), he developed problems with his connective tissue... and the list goes on and on.He cannot find a good therapist to help him develop certain tools and strategies to deal with his ADHD. His shrink mostly relies on drugs and offers no real advice.I tried saying something when he asked. E.g. he would complain about the hair loss and ask me what to do and I'd tell him that he already takes good supplements and has a very good diet, but that one of the know side effects of the meds is hair loss. He would then get anxious and tell me that he has no choice that he has to take them because he can't function at work with his ADHD.Pretty much end of a conversation. I keep asking him to see a cardiologist and an eye doctor, because the meds are very bad for the heart and provoke vision problems. He never seems to have the time to go.I feel that he's trapped and believes that he's got no choice. He's reluctant to try other approaches, even when on meds, because the ultimate goal would be to become drug-free and he's afraid that he'll be as lost as he had been all of his life before the diagnosis.I feel that he really needs to rethink this. I thought about asking him to try some new techniques during the holidays when he's not going to the office. He never takes the meds on week-ends and on holidays. Maybe this could be a gppd start?I don't won't to add more pressure, but I can't just sit and do nothing.Thank you!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2017): Thank you for your replies!
Thank you anonymous for sharing your experience.
I did talk to him, clearly and calmly. Even though it seems that I reached a dead-end (he insists that not-working therapy is better than no therapy and has no wish to explore other options), I still think that he'll think about what I've said.
On the other hand, I learned that he has been "experimenting" with his therapy. Upping the dose, combining the meds, supposedly his shrink told him to try different things.
I'll give him some time to think it over and prepare a list of ideas.
Than kyou again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2017): My husband also has adhd. You need to sit him down with no distractions and tell him to listen to what you have to say. Then tell him your thoughts in a direct but tactful and loving manner. He can’t see what you see and he’s not thinking clearly. Adhd people panic, overthink, and/or drop topics and end conversations because they rather not deal with them because it’s overwhelming for them. You need to be the calm one in control here. He needs you. If you don’t tell him or help him nobody can. Don’t wait until it’s too late. BE THERE FOR HIM and do what’s right. Help your husband!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (16 November 2017):
You’re his wife. If you can’t tell him who can? Who will? If you love him sit him down and tell him your concerns. What are you waiting for him to figure it out on his own?
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