A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I worked with a much older guy (30 years older than me). A few months back, he admitted that he fell in love with me the day he met me, he said he never got this before, it was like electricity in the air. I didn't feel it at the time.However, (before he admitted all this to me) when i did work with him i started to have feelings for him that i could not understand, we had some sort of connection, when he entered the room, (he is not someone i would fancy as regards looks, he sort of grew on me. Each time, i could feel my heart racing and could not wait to see him each time i went home. When he had a day off i would be so disapointed as i could not be around him, him being in the same room was enough to cheer me up.He has told me we are meant to be..he says it's something he just knows and we should have been married years ago.The problem i have is his age (he was concerned with this also) another thing is, he had a vacetomy (sorry spelt wrong) so can't have any more children (he told me this can be reversed. He scares me as he is so intense and really wants to be with me. He has a partner but things are not right with them.I moved away to forget him, but can't, will i ever forget him, i got a text from him saying he still thinks about me.Is this love or could he just be looking for a bit of excitment? I am married, he was at my wedding....i should not be feeling this way. I am no longer in contact with him or never see him. Can i ever forget him...is this a silly phase i am going though? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Your situation sounds so much like the trouble I am in! I started meeting with this older guy professionally and right off felt that connection--and like you it's because I now know he fell in love with me right off. I definitely responded to his interest but we are both married to other people and it simply can't work.
I know this and yet I am still trying to figure out how to handle the situation, because it is not simple to stop seeing one another due to the professional involvement. Like you, I'm surprised and a little scared to have discovered how intensely he seems to feel his attraction. I'm attracted too, obviously, but there's something different about the way he is expressing it.
I am wondering if something happens in men of a certain age who get interested in someone they shouldn't or can't have. I wish there was more information out there on what is going on with them psychologically.
If I had realized how serious my situation was going to become I would have handled a lot of things differently. You have done the right thing to take yourself out of the situation, and eventually you will get over your feelings for him. Delete his message and try to forget about it. It's easy for me to say! I am hoping I will figure out a solution for myself that doesn't leave everyone in pieces...
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Wow... I love these encounters. There are some people that can cause this strong unimaginable feeling in us without even trying. I have no explanation either and would be something really interesting to study. However, at least in my experience, this very strong unknown bond doesn't last long. It is so strong it can make you take stupid decisions, but once you've let yourself go to it, it doesn't work out. It seems to be so strong that it is not livable.
You, on the other hand, moved away from it and the what ifs are causing you this pain. You will be able to get through this phase, no doubt, but you might, once in a while, remember him. What I did to help was to change my phone number. Not a possibility of meeting him again and that kinda drew him off my mind after a while. Sometimes I do remember him but not in such an intense matter. Good luck!
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