A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Right so i have known this girl and i've dated her on and off. i feel an intense attraction towards her. She's a gorgeous lass but Problem is, she has a terrible family background and as a result has led quite a wayward life.She hasn't been able to be faithful to any man and that's the reason we broke up is because she certainly wasn't able to be faithful to me. She been a prostitute at times and when the money get tight, well she still turns a trick or two to fill up her bank account. Ive helped her out with money but i stopped because she wont be honest with me and keeps bleeding me for more and more. So my mates tell me shes poison but still i've got quite a hankering for her still! i feel like i've a lot of love inside me due to me own upbringing, and sometimes if i hang in there i can change her. maybe if i stay with her enough shell realize she can trust me and she'll become the faithful wife i envision.Am i at all in the right or am i dreamin the good dream (as me blokes keeping telling me).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): to the question can you change her? the answer is no you can't.
it's up to you if you want to try anyway. But just know that you will probably fail, if changing her is your goal.
if you insist on staying in a relationship with her then you're just going to have to accept her the way she is and deal with it and not be bothered by it. Because you're not going to change her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 you are dreaming my friend..
you can't fix her...
you want to and I understand that but "pretty woman" only happens in the movies...
do NOT give her money any more and watch how fast she dries up.... for you...
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Give it a try since you love her. It's an uphill task and you might possibly fail...but I always tend to advise people to listen to their hearts, and be prepared for heartbreak. There's too much practicality in the world these days, with people calculating their gains and losses in every relationship, as if it were a transaction or a contract. Love is madness. Love is about attempting the impossible. Go for it. (And yes, she probably needs psychiatric help.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): Please find someone else, for your own sake. I've seen someone try this, and it just doesn't work.
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A
male
reader, cupidineedyurhelp  +, writes (30 April 2012):
WOW! big age difference between us but im going through the same thing unlike your relationship theres been no on and off in mine weve been together for about 2 years and its been hard but it seems to be working shes changed alot... does take time but its in her to change and remember you can always get what you want...ignore your mates careless what anybody thinks.. so yes its possible these people dont have the heart
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I think you are setting yourself up for failure... She needs to want to help herself first. So what if she is gorgeous? Lots of other gorgeous women in this world that have their heads on straight.
I also think it's the lure of the "challange" to get her well. Let's say she did stop prostuting? Would you still want her? Relationships are hard enough already ....
Save yourself all the ag... and listen to your buddies. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): changing people is not easy and most people don't want to change.
we are living in a real world, not some fairy tale story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): No, you can not.
You can't change her, she's the only one that can do that. Anyone who has addictions, whether it be cigarettes or lying has to want to desire to change...nobodies presence including your own will make that happen.
I don't think she's poison, but I think she's troubled beyond your ability to help her.
Helping a troubled person just because you want their recognition, trust, or love is futile. Don't try to be a knight in shining armor for her, she won't be able to appreciate it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Hello there. No, you can't change her or anyone else. Don't enter a relationship thinking you will change someone dramatically. You're just setting yourself up for a big failure.
Why do you think you can't find someone else? Perhaps that's the real problem. You say you have lots of love to offer, and there are still romantic girls out there that would really love that... but at the same time they don't need to be saved, or changed, because they are not messed up! They are very much level-headed, great characters already.
Relationships aren't meant to be such hard work. They can be much easier than that. I suggest that you put major thought into what makes a normal, fulfilling, balanced relationship and strive for that. Best of luck, dear.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 For someone (man or woman) to believe that they can and should take up with someone with the hopes that they can "change" or "improve" or "correct" that someone is the age-old delusion that many of us incur.....
NO, you cannot change this woman..... Save your time, energy (and money!!!).....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): so very noble of you. well if you are a sucker for punishment and want to waste your life then carry on. i dont think she will ever be different. she may have quiet spells before another relapse maybe.
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