A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am taking a Psychology course, along with 400+ students, and when I met my TA (we'll call her Clarice), and I was just shocked at how beautiful she was. She's about 5'8, very kind, is from Brazil, and is 2-3 years older than I am. Although I like Psychology, I can't even tell myself if it was the TA or the subject that just makes me excited for our Monday and Wednesday lectures and our Friday discussions. Obviously the problem here is that she's on the payroll of the school I'm currently attending (KU), and as much as I want to ask her out, I'm not aware of the full risks that would occur if I did. Plus, the campus is so big that running into her somewhere on campus would be a hell of a coincidence. She tends to pick on me during discussion because of how we're the only Spanish speakers, and would always stress on me one-on-one about coming to her for help when I need it (which I've an A in the course as we speak). One day I did went to her office for help and she flashed a big smile right when I walked in and asked me some general questions about my day, and I would notice that she would often use professional language to the other students--as far as I've seen, but with me, her language is friendly, it doesn't make me see her as a TA, but rather as a student.We have a lot of one-on-one conversations, mostly in her office or in class after everyone's left, and she would just lock her eyes with mine that maintaining the eye contact was very hard to do. We would also talk about personal interests and other non-school related topics.I know it would be inappropriate to make a move while I'm still a student, but all the time I’ve spent with her has got me more and more interested, to the point that I tend to think about her pretty often. And the sad part is: I'm not sure if she's even single...I've come to the conclusion that asking her out, while I'm still enrolled, would be disastrous and I'm not even sure if the feeling's mutual. I don't know whether to ask her out next semester, or if this is even something I should try at all. The very least I could do is just tell her I liked her, once finals are done and all.Any sort of input is appreciated. I'm just wanting some subtle opinions about what my chances are with her. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I think you are doing all the right things then and it would be wise to wait until classes are over. I still think you have a good chance. :) Good luck!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 If you like this girl then I would say don't act on your feelings while you are the student in class. It would be very unprofessional and the subject of campus gossip if she dated a student. There maybe even a staff code of conduct preventing such activity. When you are no longer in her class then go-ahead and ask her out for a drink. Do it on the last day of class and don't make it a big romantic gesture. Just ask her if she fancies going for a drink and leave it at that. If she declines then at least you tried without compromising her professional position.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1:
It's going to be hard to wait until next semester to ask her out, but I now understand the repercussions if we happened to get together before this semester ends. I do plan on asking her out for a simple, friendly coffee meeting, hopefully soon. Occasionally she talks about her personal life, but I've not heard anything relationship-specific from her at all, so right now I'm just going to assume she's single unless she says otherwise. The only thing that bothers me is the 2-3 year age difference, though.
If she happens to reject my invitation, then I suppose it wasn't meant to be, but right now I'm just falling for her with every conversation we have. I was just a study session tonight and she looked beautiful :)
But anyway, I don't want to jeopardize her career. She's either going to reject me, or accept my invitation. If the latter occurs, we'll see how it goes from there.
Anuks:
I don't even feel as if I'm showing her enough interest. So far, it seems like she's been expressing it to me and, sad to say, I'm not sure how to respond to that in a way she might like. As I said before, she's talked a bit about her personal life, but hasn't mentioned a boyfriend, or even a guy, period. I'm just going to operate under the assumption that she's single.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 https://documents.ku.edu/policies/provost/ConsentingRelationships.htm
I think your best bet is to wait until after you are no longer interacting as teacher/student. You could say something like, "I have really enjoyed our discussions in the classroom. Perhaps after I'm out of the class, we might still be able to continue them? We could discuss things over coffee, if you'd like." Then be quiet and see how she reacts to that. If she likes you, she'll try to set up a date after class is completely over and you are on to the next semester. If she's not interested, she'll ignore the invitation and say something vague like, "that's nice, Kevin, let's keep in touch" but then not take any steps to actually stay in touch. You are going to have to be okay with that rejection, as she may indeed have a boyfriend or significant other.
Whatever you do, don't compromise her career for the sake of a crush. Make sure you follow that code of conduct! Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): Don't ever tell a woman that you like her before she does! It takes the mystery out of the interaction. And woman usually don't like this.
Also I think she's interested. Just ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she says yes, don't take that as a sign that she doesn't like you. She could be just saying that so she doesn't look like a loser to you. But be wary if you show her that your interested and she says that she has a boyfriend. That would be a sign that your showing too much interest.
I recommend reading "The Game" by Neill Straus and other books on attracting woman. Other than that I can't think of much else to say. I think you have a good chance!
Good luck
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